dianegclark

I took the week off and went to Denver to help with baby June. Hannah suffered through her illness without grandma help as I had clients and she was contagious. So we both looked forward to our week together. I was able to cook and clean and watch sweet June while she went for a mani pedi and a haircut and color. Kent watched her while we shopped some. Mostly I changed diapers and burped her and then I got to spend hours holding her while Hannah did other things or rested. Kent was able to go to work at the office while i was there.

June had her first outing (other than for doctor appointments). Hannah and i took her to the Denver Botanical gardens. She seemed unimpressed.

I enjoyed every moment, spoiling Hannah and baby June. June is a chill baby. She grunts and groans when she needs to burb or toot or poo then settles right down. She is very very snuggly. I couldn’t believe how much attention she pays to books when you read to her. There were moments every day that she woke up and gazed up at me curiously. She liked to look around the room, also. She’s still so tiny, in newborn clothes and diapers, her 0-3 months are still just a title too big.

It’s a small, sporty Lexus SUV. Officially a 2019 Lexus UX 200, certified Lexus pre owned with 12,000 miles. It’s white with black interior and all the bells and whistles. I wasn’t planning to get a new car. But I did. I love it.

My favorite features so far are: A back up screen. I’ve never had one. Love it. The cruise control automatically slows down when you are 6 cars lengths behind the car in front of you so you don’t have to turn it on or off or brake. You just signal and move over. AND you don’t have to look! The lights on the mirrors light up if there is anything in your blind spot. So you just look in the mirror instead of turning around!

The screen also shows everything that is on my phone. I see the GPS and music and texts when they come in. It’s all hands free. I can have Siri read the texts to me, text back, make and receive calls, all hands free!

Yesterday I discovered a new, perhaps my favorite feature. The brights come on automatically and turn off automatically! Yep. I love this. Love it.

The only drawback is teaching Wilson to jump into the back. It’s the right size and he likes it once he’s in but it’s just a bit taller than he’s used to. He’ll get it.

Did I mention that I made the deal and qualified for the car and am making the payments all on my own? It’s my car. Yep. My car.

New discoveries: lane correction. The car literally stays between the lines! I just have to relax my hand on the wheel and it drives itself.

About a month ago, Leah bought a beautiful tiny dollhouse for Eleanor and started fixing it up. In true Leah style, this quickly became a creative outlet for Leah and her creativity shown. She posts the most amazing pictures and ideas and her dollhouse is perfect.

Leah found a dollhouse on buy/sell/trade here in Manhattan and told me I needed to buy it and start a new hobby fixing it up for my grands. I am not as creative or artistic as Leah but I took up the challenge and purchased it.

I went over to look and was enamored. It is much larger than the one Leah bought. It was owned by a lady who’d had it since childhood and had all boys so they’d lugged it all over and were ready to part with it. It was dirty and dusty and damaged, set up in their garage. The dollhouse wouldn’t fit in my car so the nice couple put it in their suv and followed me home. It sat in the front room for a week while we went to Denver to have baby June.

Today I started the project. Yesterday I went to Hobby Lobby and eventually found the dollhouse section. It was overwhelming. I took pics and bought some flooring, an exacto knife, wood glue, and some potential wallpaper.

This morning I cleaned the house, laid everything out for pictures, and began doing some glue repairs to the windows, siding and roofing. It is tedious and intimidating but I am jumping in there. I am excited and have much trepidation so I will continue to research and make small attempts. I know its going to be so fun and cool to do the project, see the results AND provide hours and hours of enjoyment to my sweet Grandbabies. Apparently Henry is quite into Eleanor’s and Eleanor hasn’t seen hers yet.

As I was almost home, 6 1/2 hours or so into my drive, I got a very emotional call from Hannah. At their second baby check up, the nurse noticed June’s flaccid body and was concerned. The pediatrician made the decision to readmit June to the hospital for observation.

I was floored. Hannah was scared, of course. I called Dawn, Kent’s mom, who had also left for her drive home, and she was turning around to go back. She was 4 hours into her drive. I was relieved and torn. I wanted to be there but I had six appointments with clients the next day along with Homestead group with a new girl, clients to see on Friday, and I was exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. It is hard to recognize our human limitations but it is necessary.

Hannah updated us in the evening. The Pediatrician there assured them that June was not in danger. Her reflexes had been normal all along so they felt it wasn’t neurological.

The update the next day was even more comforting. They felt this was a reflex, a vagal response to feeding. After the speech/language assessment (shout out to our SLP’s—a lot of people don’t realize the expertise they hold in feeding/swallowing/tongue/throat…), they had an explanation and several solutions. With some minor adjustments to the breastfeeding, June stopped having the episodes and she was feeding well. Hannah’s milk came in fully which was a relief to all. They did decide, however, to keep June a second night under the lights to help her jaundice and eliminate more of the sleepiness.

When I told my Mom all this, her reaction was hilarious. She noted that though baby June is chill, she is also a bit of a drama queen, so like her mother, grandmother, and great grandmother.

June, Hannah and Kent are back home and doing very well. All of the challenges of having a newborn continue, of course, but everyone is healthy and happy.

Sunday night in Denver on the way to Hannah’s house from the hospital, my old reliable loved Lexus started acting up. Scott tried to drive it later and we had to push it back into the driveway. So Monday morning when it was time for Scott and Leah to leave to go back to Kansas, I was shocked when he told me they were taking the Lexus. He said it was back to normal.

A half hour later, he called and said, “Come rescue us, it broke down and it is smoking and we are not in a good place on the interstate.” I zipped to pick them up and we had the car towed to a place in Aurora that said they couldn’t look at it for at least a week. I took a Lyft back to Hannah’s and Scott and Leah took off for Kansas in the Rav.

The next day while comtemplating a plane ride or rental car home, I called the Lexus dealer who said they’d look at the car the same day and had it towed over there. I looked online and called Scott and said, “I want to buy a new car. I’ll buy it myself.” To my surprise, he said for me to check into it.

So I did some research and made some calls and filled out some forms and Tuesday afternoon Dawn gave me a ride to the Lexus dealer. I looked at the one I picked out and another one then text drove the one I liked and started making a deal. My Lexus hadn’t been looked at as promised. I was given two offers, one with the trade in value of my fixed car and one with a trade in value with the unknown. I asked for more and got it. Then the service department called and I could tell it was going to be expensive, a water pump and maybe the alternator, so I felt like I got a good deal. I qualified for the loan all by myself.

After doing all the paperwork and cleaning out the old car, I was told that the engine head was cracked so I did indeed make a good deal.

I bought the cutest little white SUV with all the bells and whistles. At first I was overwhelmed but after driving it home today, I love it. It has so many safety features and a whole computer that displays the GPS and phone and reads texts to me and plays music and makes calls and texts.

I’m pretty proud of it.

The phone rang with a strange ring tone at 5:45 Friday morning. I answered and it was Hannah’s face in the dark. “Mom, my water just broke all over the place.”

“Oh.,” I said. “I guess I’ll see you later today.”

I woke Scott up and got up and started throwing things in a suitcase. I hadn’t packed my go bag yet because baby June wasn’t due for 2 1/2 more weeks. I texted Leah the address where we were going to park our car and jump into hers and she replied that Dave could drive her there. Scott decided to take care of a few more things including taking Wilson to our friend Kathy’s and come a few hours behind us.

Leah and I met in Salina and said a quick hello (Me) and goodbye (Leah) to Emmet, Henry and Eleanor. Dave was going to be on his own with them (which turned out went very well). Leah and I drove fast to Denver arriving in record time even after we initially went to the wrong address. I dropped Leah at the hospital so she could be in the labor and delivery room with Hannah.

We got text updates on the labor. It seemed to be going quickly and we worried Leah wouldn’t make it on time. But after the epidural, things slowed down.

I drove to the house and waited with Kent’s Mom, Dawn. We got tired of waiting after hearing that Hannah had started pushing so we went to the hospital and hung around Subway and the benches outside. Hannah pushed for 2 1/2 hours and I had started to get worried. Finally, we got word that little June had been born.

The actual birth moment was a little stressful. June had her hand by her face and the cord was wrapped around her face and body several times so that is what was making the pushing rough. June pinked up immediately.

Only two people were allowed in the hospital at a time so Dawn and I waited some more. Scott had arrived so we got to go up first. Oh, my goodness, meeting a grandbaby and having it in my arms is the most amazing feeling.

Hannah and Kent and baby stayed in the hospital two days. We took turns visiting and holding our precious sweetheart and then they came home,

Our time at the house was precious. Taking turns trying to get June to wake up and feed, holding her, changing her tiny diapers, watching her adorable facial expressions, I loved every moment. We had lots of good food and good visits in between. June is a very sleepy baby so feeding is a challenge but she is adorable and sweet. We love her already.

Yesterday we spent the whole day in Newton to celebrate the boys birthday together.

I played with the kids and got some quality time in with them while Leah, Scott and DAve went to the native plant sale in Hesston. Emmet was quietly watching Tv while Henry and I played mini golf. He set up such an elaborate impressive course and we had fun together. I sat for a bit on the couch between Eleanor and Emmet snuggled up on either side of me. Eleanor reached over and gently patted my breast with her little hand. I love when she works hard to get up next to me or to sit on my lap.

Leah planned such a cut theme once again, Mario brothers. She decorated and prepped while we played with the kids. I helped the kids turn flips over my knees. They love that.

Joel and Kayla arrived and got more fun play time in. Joel and Emmet put their pointy birthday hats on their faces like birds and pecked at each other.

All of the Gaedderts arrived and we did cake and presents. The day had warmed so we got to spend time inside and outside and everyone seemed to truly enjoy each other’s company. The boys adore playing with the older cousins who helped them with legos and played soccer out back. They also found 4 tiny snakes and a frog. Emmet surprisingly held the snake with no fear. Eleanor was not afraid either.

The highlite of the day was all of the guys putting up the rest of the treehouse that Leah dreamed up and Dave built. It is a large deck in the wooded area of their yard with clear plastic tent sides. We watched Eleanor stand inside in awe experiencing it for the first time. The boys were already inside putting on their pajamas insisting they were going to spend the night in it. Dave agreed. So they put their new sleeping bag in the treehouse (we bought them) then brought out their clothes for morning and thei stuffed animals. Emmet brought out about 5 and here came Henry with about 20. Then Henry brought out this huge box of 36 snack bags of goldfish in case they needed a snack. They brought out their new Rock Em Sock Em Robots game to play while waiting for Dave to wake up in the morning. It was so cool to see how excited they were and to imagine a whole childhood of fun they will have out there.

We all ate Chinese food while watching the boys move into the treehouse. The next morning Leah said that Henry had a nightmare at midnight and was sad to wake up inside. Dave and Emmet got cold in the morning and Dave came in as Emmet wanted to stay out there longer.

Friday I drove to Fort Leavenworth to the Bidwell Convention Center to present as the featured speaker at an event put on by the Protestant Women of the Chapel. I spoke on anxiety and then also got to talk about Homestead. The talk was very well received. We had a lovely dinner and I received gifts and a love offering for Homestead AND I got paid for it.

I then drove to Kansas City to meet my dear friend Alexis for the weekend as she and her husband bought a beautiful home and are moving to Willis, Texas. We stayed at the Embassy Suites on the Plaza.

Since I got there late, we settled into our room (the first one smelled like smoke) and got on our jammies and talked til late and then slept.

Alexis and I are perfectly matched in interests and energy level. We slept in, ate the hot free meal at the hotel and then sat in the hot tub for about an hour followed by a nap in the room.

After our naps, we cleaned up and did some power shopping at Old Navy at The Legends. I bought joggers, a cute hot pink shirt and a pair of black dress pants and a pair of checked dress pants. We then stopped by Alexis’ house and I got to see and collect my hug from her sweet husband Jeff who gives excellent hugs. We grabbed her two biggest dogs and took them for an “interview” at a doggie daycare near where Joel lives.

So of course we stopped by Joel and Kayla’s. We got to see the improvements they’ve done on the house and the paint samples they’ve chosen. They recommended a spot for lunch so we went to Billie’s Grocery in Westport and had lunch. I had a green smoothie (yuck) and hummus and a cream puff.

This was followed by another nap and a walk in the nearby park. We then changed for dinner and walked to and around the Plaza a bit then had a leisurely late dinner at my favorite restaurant PF Changs.

We stayed up late chatting again and Alexis taught me how to crochet. I am super excited about this because I like to do something while watching Netflix in the evenings and this will be tons better than iPad jigsaw. I am going to make throws with chunky yarn.

We slept in again this morning and got ready and checked out and drove back to Westport to have breakfast at Oddly Correct, a coffee shop that Joel and Kayla recommended. It is close to their house so they joined us. I had a Bourbon vanilla latte that was heavenly and a breakfast sandwich on a homemade biscuit that was delicious.

Alexis and I returned to The Legends to do more power shopping at Old Navy (I exchanged the black pants and bought some sunglasses) and then of course I had to buy some shoes. I bought some converse with pastel flowers and some white converse chucks. I will wear the heck out of them.

I drove home and stopped at the flower store and bought a crap load of flowers to fill the big planter pots at Ethos and at the house. Our back patio is filled with flower pots.

A small dinner and a ping pong match with the Mister and now I’m reading my delicious book Lenni and Margot and blogging. I’m excited to go buy my yarn tomorrow and take Deb the Homestead donation.

A wonderful weekend all the way around with the exception of saying goodbye to Alexis although I know I will go see her in Texas.

My Dad died yesterday. He was so ready to go. He went peacefully.

My Dad was overall a good man with a good heart. He was happy in his later years, blissfully blessed the last ten years or so with Alzheimer’s Disease that for some reason made him softer and kinder.

My Dad was the third born of four boys, the second died as a toddler. He had a complicated relationship with his Mom, my grandmother Madeline. As a result, my Dad was insecure and suffered from undiagnosed anxiety.

My Dad entered the Marines at age 17 and was stationed in Japan. Unknown to many, he was married 4 times, once, just before shipping off to Japan, against the wishes of his parents. That woman cheated on him and their marriage was annulled.

Dad met Mom at Baker University. They were married 21 years before my Dad had an affair and left my Mom and us for his secretary when I was 13. He married her briefly before she went back to her husband, and their marriage was annulled. Dad then met Jean and married her when I was 14. They were still together when he passed.

After graduating college, Dad started his career at Hallmark Cards as a line timer. He worked his way up to Quality Assurance Manager and retired in his 60’s. Dad was an avid golfer all of his life up into his later years. He loved swimming pools and always lived where one was accessible.

I loved my Dad. I was his little girl. He called me monkey. I remember Dad took off work one day and painted my bedroom hot pink. My Mom was mad as she had pictured soft pink but I loved it. Pink is one of my favorite colors to this day.

But Dad wasn’t a happy man. He was prone to unpredictable rages and often treated my Mom, my brother, myself and later my step mom, horribly. My step mom often gave it right back to him. I never knew which dad I was going to get.

In his younger years, My Dad was active in the community in various social service organizations including Kiwanis. To be brutally honest, however, he was a closet racist man, the worst kind who didn’t know that he was. For example, he fought for his black friend to be able to join the Country Club but at home, he said it was because his friend was white on the inside. He said horrible racist things during the hurricane katrina aftermath and flooding in New Orleans.

My Dad had open heart surgery twice and another surgery to correct the mesh from the heart surgeries. In later years, he gained a lot of weight that further complicated his health, but he lived independently, cared for by Jean, and only recently began to lose mobility. He liked to sit and watch TV and read. Before covid, he had a number of friends at the retirement community where he drank coffee, played pool, and did water aerobics.

My Dad had a fun sense of humor. I have a lot of memories of him saying funny things, like calling butterscotch pudding elephant snot. Sometimes when I asked him what he was doing, he’d say, “Just sitting and waiting for the dancing girls to arrive.” When our daughter lived with male roommates in college, Dad said to me, “Does she decide where she is going to sleep every night by having the guys put their shoes in the middle of the room and she can choose the biggest pair?” I suppose my daughter and others would be offended by this, but that was his humor.

Writing this makes me think about how all of us want to be remembered. I want to remember the good things about my Dad. He was well liked and respected by many. He was a personable man. In later years when his memory started to fade, he wrote down names on an index card and then later teasingly called everyone Charlie. He had a great attitude about his disease. When he first got it, he called it “CRS, can’t remember shit.” He said, “Oh well, I guess I’ll make new friends every day.”

Dad did tell me he loved me and was proud of me several times before he died. He hugged me and was always happy to see me and hear from me. He was a generous man, giving to church and social service agencies. He was a man of quiet faith in his later years. Though my visits became few and far between toward the end, I did enjoy sitting with Dad in his TV room, sipping a martini with him (straight up vodka with an olive) or watching TV. It was difficult to have a phone conversation so I had just started writing him letters which I understand he enjoyed greatly.

I love you, Dad. Say hi to Nonnie and Granddad for me. And Dave, of course. I’m sure you are golfing with him today. And Laddy and Moppy (?), your brothers, and all of your Argentine and Aberdeen buds who passed before you.

Just before New Years, I reconnected with Travis, band leader and lead guitarist for the TRU worship band. Travis has played with Midwest Meets Manhattan, Praisefest, and for us lots of times. He told me that he has a 90’s cover band and that his lead singer was not coming through. He said he has a female singer he was talking to. My heart jumped. I began to dream and hope that I could sing with them.

New Years Eve, Travis and his family came over. He played me some of the songs. Many I didn’t know, I listened to Christian music in the 90’s. But I do know the 80’s music and love singing it in the car. We got to see Heart in person a few years ago. I love to sing to Heart, Pat Benetar, Stevie Nicks.

Monday, Dave texted and said he wanted us to sing a couple of Midwest Meets Manhattan songs at Erin’s birthday party on Saturday. We got together and sang here at the house to rehearse Fountain of Youth and Defining Moment. It felt so amazing to sing together again and even without Chad, it sounded good.

On Friday, scrolling through social media, I saw that Travis’ lead singer had covid and she wasn’t going to be able to sing with the band at the party. I texted Travis that I was open to trying some songs. He immediately asked if he could call. Initially, he was talking about a bunch of songs, Zepplin and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yikes. But he mentioned Pat Benetar Heart Breaker and Heart Baracuda. I knew I could do those. Travis was excited. I was ecstatic.

I started practicing right away. I listened and sang along to you tube with the artists. It was apparent that both songs are super hard vocally and that the Heart song is a really challenging rhythm. I wasn’t phased. Thankfully, there are karaoke versions of both songs. I sang a bunch in the car. I sang them for Scott. He said I was straining. Well, of course, they can’t be sung without straining unless you are actually Pat Benetar or Ann Wilson.

Friday night I had my doubts. But Saturday morning, I sang them on the way to 9 Rounds and I knew i could do it. I made up a cheat sheet of how many time the band played phrases before I came in and sort of mapped out the beats and the rhythm. Seriously, try to sing that song without the artist. Nearly impossible.

Saturday all day I was excited. My body was having nervous reactions but my excitement outweighed any anxiety. I even napped.

I grabbed mics and Scott and I took separate cars. At the venue, with about 10 people there, I ran through the songs. The bass guitarist turned to me after Heartbreaker and told me I rocked it. Erin was impressed. The run through for Baracuda was a little rougher. Dave told me I was scream singing out of concern for my voice. Well, tough.

Singing our Midwest Meets Manhattan songs felt like home. Easy peasy. Flowed like a river. We had trouble with Scott’s mic but oh well. I knew this was a casual gig.

I just got more and more excited. And got as much liquid courage into me without filling up my stomach. Then it was time.

I loved it. People cheered after Travis invited me on the stage. I got the mic and the music stand and the band started playing the intro. People pumped up recognizing the song. Then I belted it. “Your love is like a tidal wave, spinning over my head…”. Yeah, I was straining and scream singing but I had to to hit the notes and hear myself over the band. We didn’t have the type of equipment to hone the sound system. I couldn’t hear my voice on the monitor at all on Baracuda. None of that mattered. I had a blast.

After the songs, so many people gave me positive feedback. I loved every minute of it. I loved watching the videos. I looked comfortable up there and didn’t sound awful.

I hope I get more opportunities. I think more doors are open now. I’ve waited so long.