dianegclark

I’m addicted to Facebook. There, I said it.

I’ve read multiple times about how Facebook contributes to mental health problems.

People present their very best selves on facebook. For example, a family takes a trip together, arguing in the car, arguing all the way while climbing up the mountain, then when they arrive at the summit, they put their arms around each other, smile brightly, and post that photo. Then argue and complain all the way down the mountain and all the way home. Everyone looking at the photo assumes they’re the happiest family with no issues or problems and further, their own family is less by comparison.

Below are just a few studies I found on how facebook negatively affects us:

“Overall, our results showed that, while real-world social networks were positively associated with overall well-being, the use of Facebook was negatively associated with overall well-being. These results were particularly strong for mental health; most measures of Facebook use in one year predicted a decrease in mental health in a later year. We found consistently that both liking others’ content and clicking links significantly predicted a subsequent reduction in self-reported physical health, mental health, and life satisfaction.

Harvard Business Review, April 2017″

Feeling sad after you log out isn’t the only way Facebook takes a toll on your mental health. A study that will be published in the June 2016 issue of Current Opinion in Psychology found that envying your friends on Facebook leads to depression.

Scrolling through happy status updates, exciting vacation photos, and beautiful family moments led participants to compare their lives with those of their Facebook friends.

Those social comparisons led people to assume their Facebook friends had better lives. And those feelings of envy increased their chances of developing depression.

Researchers say it stems from a psychological term called affective forecasting. Studies confirm that people predict Facebook is going to make them feel better.

They assume–albeit incorrectly–that 20 minutes of Facebook activity will boost their mood. They don’t recognize that it’s actually robbing them of joy.

So the cycle continues. Someone assumes Facebook will give a momentary break from stress or a quick opportunity to check in with friends.

But ultimately, that individual isn’t likely to communicate with friends, nor is the Facebook visit likely to boost his or her mood. Yet there’s a good chance the person will fail to recognize the personal toll being taken, and he or she will keep going back for more.

Psychology Today March 7, 2016″

“Dunbar’s colleague, Sue Fudge, added, “Although social media may seem like the perfect way to make and maintain friendships, this research shows that face-to-face interaction is essential for truly authentic relationships and that shares, selfies and ‘likes’ are no replacement for the bonding that takes place whilst sharing food, experiences and anecdotes.”

Psychology Today January 2016″

“Weddings, promotions, books, dream jobs, international travel—images like this can nag at us, make us feel inadequate, like awkward teenagers, trying to fit in. The inner critic hisses that we’re “not attractive enough,” “not popular enough,” “not good enough.” Comparison is a zero/sum game that implies there’s only a limited amount of good to go around, so one person’s win becomes someone else’s loss. Caught up in this toxic game, we can spiral into frustration, dissatisfaction, and depression.

Psychology Today September, 2103″

Knowing this, I’ve tried to stop. Unsuccessfully.

None of the other social media platforms affect me this way. I check Instagram for about 2 minutes to look at the cute videos of the grandkids, mostly. I have a twitter that I never check. I think I signed up years ago to Google plus and also Linked In. I haven’t checked them in years.

So what can we do?

First, I made sure that Facebook is positive. I follow maybe less than a third of the people on my friend list. If people are negative or political, critical, complainy, rude, inappropriate or mean, I don’t follow them.

Then I like positive things, like cute animals, uplifting or inspiring quotes and videos.

So when I scroll through the page, I see my closest friends, family, old friends, co workers, and people I attend church with. I see positive images and words that uplift, make me feel good, encourage.

The author of the Psychology Today September 2013 article goes on to say, “You can stop playing this game by becoming mindful, noting when you’re comparing yourself to others, and asking:

• “What am I feeling?”
• “What’s really going on?”
• “Is there anything I can learn from this?”

Then take a deep breath, returning to the present moment to embrace your own unique life, for in all the world there has never been anyone with your fingerprints, your combination of talents, your thoughts and experiences. You can transcend comparison and competition by realizing that you have unique gifts to offer the world. To live in your uniqueness is to live creatively, as your own deepest and most authentic self, discovering new opportunities, experiencing small miracles, finding joy and meaning in making your own music, writing your own story, claiming your own voice.”

If you figure out a way not to be tempted to buy all the cool stuff advertised on facebook, be sure to let me know.

When I got up and stumbled into the kitchen this morning for my coffee, Scott had opened a letter from the little girl we sponsor in Africa, Sanila. Here is a little girl who has basically nothing who wrote blessings to us in her letter. She wrote “I want to share with you the word of God in the book of Psalm 23:1-2. The Lord is Shepherd. I have everything I need. He let me rest in green grass. He let me quiet pool of fresh water.” (Her exact words in her handwriting).

So I get my coffee, start my quiet time, and it is about comfort. I think I don’t need comfort today, all is well. But what the heck, I choose to receive it. And the verse that comes up is Psalm 23. God does that. When He really wants me to get something, He’ll put it in front of me more than once.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:1-3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So I prayed, “You are my Lord, my shepherd. I have no needs or wants you haven’t filled. You give me rest, comfort. You lead me. You renew my heart, my body, my soul. You restore my soul.”

Since I am writing a novel, I keep my thesaurus handy. I looked up restore. Here it is:

Renew, repair, recover, fix, revive, renovate, rebuild, return, rehabilitate, rejuvenate, refresh, regenerate, give back, cure, revitalize, reestablish, reinstate, refurbish, heal, redeem, doctor, regain, bring back, put back, reinvigorate, overhaul, recoup, reform, reduce, strengthen, resurrect, rest, freshen, take back, enliven, replenish, stimulate, reimburse, salvage, help, patch, relieve, recover, reinstate, encourage, recharge, reinforce, settle, reoccupy, set right, change, comfort, upgrade, re-energize, cleanse, transform, refill.

Anyone need any of that?

Day 2 Saturday, we also rocked it. Highlights were Henry’s toothy grin, breakfast Grandma style, lots of love and snuggles, a trip to Prairie Harvest, naps, and lots and lots of singing. Scott taught Emmet to say “too much” when he picked on him. Day 3 Sunday was a bit harder. Emmet gave us stickers for pooping. Henry would not take his nap in the morning. When I was rocking him, he played with my eye lids, stuck his finger up my nose… When he did go down for his nap, so did I and it was glorious!

Just before Dave and Leah got home, Emmet looked at my kickboxing video over and over and renamed me “Grandma pow pow”. Then he played preschool, got his boots and coat and hat and back pack on and pretended to go to preschool, but first he kissed and hugged each of us goodbye each time. I also taught him to flip over my knees.

We are watching the boys by ourselves for the first time!

I won’t bore you with all the details, just the highlights. We are rocking this! We went to the park, got them down for naps, ate lunch, took a long walk, fed them dinner, got them bathed, then got them to bed! It wasn’t easy but we did it! Its like we’ve done this before. Lol. Highlights: after I got the boys down for their naps and came out, Papa Scott was asleep on the couch so I grabbed a pillow and blanket and slept on the floor. Moose the hunting dog, curled up in front of me and we spooned for our whole nap!

Here is Emmet’s reaction to Papa’s singing after about two hours of it:

Getting Henry to sleep was an effort. At one point, I was rubbing his hair and he took my hand and played with it and giggled and fell asleep giggling. Silly boy.

We are getting lots of snuggles and laughs. The boys are loving playing with our small suitcases. More tomorrow.

I have been taking a turbo kick class at my gym, Genesis, for about a year now. I like it. It makes me feel powerful. I’m all about group exercise. It satisfies the social side of me, plus, I’m a lot less likely to quit early in a class. I’ve been doing step aerobics for more than 20 years. But we are down to one step class offered per week now! So I started turbo kick and I like it! We punch and kick the air, upper cut, jabs, roundhouse….

So then I started working with a personal trainer. Scott and I purchased some sessions with him and he helps us figure out the machines and how to get better results with our workouts. He’s a great kid, very encouraging and motivating.

One day I was working out with Jason, and I saw the big punching bag hanging there and mentioned that I had thought about learning to box. His eyes lit up and he said he happened to be a trainer for kickboxing. Hummmm…..

So to reward me for doing the workout he has set up for me three times in a week, he said he’d do some kickboxing training!

Ok, I’m not going to lie. It’s harder than I thought! I have to think about so much, how to stand, how to move my feet and hips, where to look, how to turn my hand. Tons to consider. And Jason is so patient!

Of course I had to get some pink boxing gloves.

People may look at my life from the outside and think I am too busy. I’m a therapist, I help lead worship and organize the welcome team at TRU. I am a Big Sister to Adelle. I volunteer with Homestead. I work out 4 times a week and am learning kickboxing. I have elderly parents and grandkids who need me. I’m writing a novel. I sing in a band and do some of their social media.

Then I have days like today with virtually nothing on my schedule. Intentionally. To find balance. God is teaching me how to balance, how to prioritize, how to be present in this moment and let Him lead the next. How to give up busyness, distraction, striving, pleasing.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, “You cannot give what you don’t have.” This is so true.

Every morning I get up an hour before I have to start getting ready for the day. I spend that time alone with God. Not doing. Just being. I’m learning that its okay to prioritize me. To rest. To renew. To just be.

I’ve written about Whispers of Rest, the devotional I am going through for a second time to soak up the truths here. I am letting this sink in at a new level: “Its okay not to be all things to all people all of the time by ourselves.” I think I really felt that way as a school social worker.

2 Corinthians 1:4 says “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

I used to think that meant just that we go through difficulties so that we can better empathize with others’ difficulties. That is true. But as I do therapy, the one thing I see more than anything else is that people are too busy! They/we are so caught up in this culture that teaches us we have to DO constantly. We spend hours on our screens. We do this long enough and it messes up our health, our mental health, our actual brain chemistry. We were not created for this world.

Bonnie Gray writes, “When you come to a fork in the road today–between choosing the quiet or filling it up, by performing, pleasing, or disappearing–stop…Enjoy something no one would be able to point at and say, ‘Look. She did something.'”

Be instead of Do.

Be quiet. Be loved. Just soak up His quiet love.

“The Lord is with you. He will take great delight in you: He will quiet you with His love.” Zechariah 3:17

Stop worrying, planning, doing, distracting, pushing, controlling, rushing…. Just listen to what He has to say to you. In this moment.

We are conditioned to be busy instead of loved. He provides all we need. For this moment.

Intentional quiet. Trust.

You don’t have to be strong. Just loved.

“In repentance and rest you will be saved; in quietness and trust is your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

I plan to take my own advice as soon as I finish this blog post. Lol. No, really, I’m sitting here in my robe, a to do list before me, a whole day before me. Sheets to wash, appointments to make, people who need me.

But I choose rest. Renewal. This moment.

And who knows after that? Maybe I’ll go back to bed. I will wait and see all that God has for me in the next moment.

Right now I choose to be. In this moment.

I got my second monthly order of essential oils today! And yesterday I got a check! Whaaat?

As I said in a previous post, I purchased a starter kit and began “selling” Young Living Essential Oils just after Christmas. Which means basically, I am doing a ton of research and ordering a bunch of oils for myself to try out! Next month I am switching from another company to Young Living for some of my personal products (face wash, natural deodorant) and supplements.

Today I got my second monthly order in the mail!

Both months, I’ve gotten free products. I get a discount every time I order. And then yesterday I also got a check!

I might be turning into a essential oil weirdo.

I love them!

I use lavender for sleep. I diffuse in three rooms of the house, in the car and in my office at work (favs are peppermint and orange OR orange and stress away). I use them in Epsom salts in my bath every morning (favs are orange and eucalyptus). I apply them topically as perfume (valor, also for confidence and calm). I also apply them to my tummy (digize and peppermint) when it’s upset. And for my immune system (thieves). I put thieves in my humidifier at night. I diffuse RC and apply it for breathing. I have made sprays and roll ons like a mad scientist. I put oils on a wool ball and use it instead of dryer sheets. I sniff frankincense every morning after I drink my coffee to raise my frequencies and open my clogged neurotransmitters. I also have a natural hormone replacement that I use that is also supposed to improve the look of wrinkles. I can put oils in my shampoos too!

I’m slowly replacing my spices with oils like clove, cinnamon, marjoram, and ginger. I put lemon oil in my water every day. It’s supposed to be so much better for you!

My up line people answer my questions and even sent me some samples!

I ordered some Gentle Baby and I can’t wait to see if it helps with Emmet and Henry when we watch them in a few weeks. I saw a video where it calmed a crying baby in less than a minute just by holding it under it’s nose!

I also just did some research and ordered some of the supplements that I’m so excited to try. I’m going to take the Master Formula, Omegagize, Cortistop and Nyngxia. My immune system will be boosted, I’ll have extra energy, my stress level will go down (can anyone say belly fat?) and I’ll get all my vitamins and minerals.

I give samples to some of my clients and talk about them all the time. They use them in my office for sessions.

And Scott is into them too! He really likes the Stress Away blend and puts it on his beard every day. I’m mixing up a blend for his tinnitus and I already have one for his snoring!

The hilarious thing is that I started all this to SELL the oils! So far I’ve only sold one bottle!

So if you want to know more or order some oils, here is my website:

https://www.myyl.com/dianegclark

If you want to talk oils, smell them or try out some samples, let me know that too!

I started meditating about 2 years ago. Since then, I meditate almost every day. I recommend it to my clients. I’m crazy about it!

After trying a couple of apps, a bunch, actually, I landed on CALM. After a couple of weeks, it offered me half price for a month so I went for it. Then I kept using it, I was offered a half price lifetime offer and I grabbed it!

I know you are going to think I get a kick back from the app, but I don’t! There are so many different categories of meditations: sleep, stress, calming anxiety, deep sleep, flight anxiety, staying on track, mindful eating, body scan, mindfulness at work, happiness, self esteem, gratitude, focus, relationship with self, loving-kindness, forgiveness, mindful walking, emotions, relationship with others, breaking habits, Winnie the Pooh, college collection, deep concentration, emergency calm, commuting, non-judgement, a bunch for kids, and more!

Here is an example of meditations within each app:

My favorite meditations are the 15 minute deep sleep release (I use it when I have trouble falling asleep or falling back asleep) and day 4 of the 21 days of calm which teaches about emotion. The homestead girls like the self forgiveness meditations and the loving kindness meditations. My clients like the emergency calm and the gratitude mediations and some of the sleep stories. When I need to fall asleep, I put on the app and the gal’s voice (Tamara Levitt) just makes me relaxed and sleepy.

The research on meditation keeps pouring in. It has been proven to help you with feeling calm (improves mood disorders such as depression and anxiety) and promotes relaxation, improves focus (memory, less distraction, attention, learning, concentration), improves health (more energy, less pain, helps with heart disease, inflammation, immunity, resilience), and reduces impulsivity, and increases creativity, and optimism.

My goal is to do every single meditation offered on the calm app and then do the daily calm meditations. As you can see from my stats, I’ve been at it awhile but I have a long way to go!

I’m writing a novel!

When I was a little girl in elementary school, I wrote a couple of novels. I remember them clearly. The one I wrote in 4th grade was about my barbies who were very real to me. Then in 6th grade, I wrote a long story about living under the sea. I started college as a journalist major. So I guess I’ve always wanted to write.

Scott always thought I should write a novel. I’ve read at least one novel per week since I was in middle school. He thinks since I read, I can write.

The idea for the novel started just before we went to Nashville. Chad had come up and we heard the new rendition of the song, “She’s on Her Own.” The Homestead girls came over for Cass’s graduation celebration. Scott had mentioned something about me writing a book about my experiences as the support group leader for Homestead. When I mentioned this to Sam, and the possibility of a novel based roughly on her life, she cried. She had always known that her story would go out into the world to help others, to raise awareness of sex trafficking. Sam cried as she heard the new version of “She’s on Her Own” which we dedicated to her as she spoke at our concert at the Wareham. And then she cried again as she listened to the new song, “That’s Why I Like the Rain.” I assumed she was thinking of her son whom she gave up for adoption, but she was thinking about Ashley, our common friend and survivor of trafficking who was murdered.

So the novel idea was born and grew. A novel about Samantha’s life in parallel with Ashley’s life.

I still hadn’t started the novel and wasn’t sure where or how to start.

Then we went to Nashville. There, ideas started getting tossed around and the idea of the novel was thrown in. The guys talked about a possible music video for “She’s On Her Own” and though the song isn’t specifically about trafficking, it is similar. When these ideas were mentioned to Brian, our publicist, his eyes lit up. He felt that attaching Midwest Meets Manhattan to a cause such as raising awareness and possibly even funds for sex trafficking survivors, could boost Midwest Meets Manhattan as well. Scott and I got excited.

When I got home, I wrote a forward, talked to Deb and talked to Samantha. We started the first of many interviews so far and many, many more to come. I wrote chapter one. Then we spent another afternoon together, she on the bed talking, crying, me on a chair nearby scribbling as fast as I could. Her life is a story all on its own and as she reflects, the novel is writing itself. Trafficked as a child and then again as a young adult, Sam’s life tells of the pain and inescapable circumstances of trafficking. It is filled with horror that will be so very hard for others to read about, but also of miracle after miracle. It is unbelievable. It is inspirational. The reader will be forever changed reading it. No one will walk away without needing to do something to get involved.

The direction of Midwest Meets Manhattan is unknown and we are in prayer about what is next. Whether or not a music video is made, whether or not the band attaches to the cause, whether or not She’s On Her Own gets promoted to raise awareness for trafficking, this novel will be written. And I hope get published. And change lives. If you know how to get a book published, please share! In the meantime, please pray for Sam, for me, and for Midwest Meets Manhattan.

Ashley Harlan, RIP

Samantha

I needed some Emmet and Henry and Leah time so drove to Newton today. I always dread the drive but once on the road singing, it never seems quite as long as I dread.

I got to Newton around 11. Today I decided to take Rex along today. Emmet is always waiting for me in the large window but today he was not. Leah and Henry were standing on the porch. Henry is getting over a fever so he didn’t give me a giant grin as usual, but I got lots of grins later. I could hear Emmet in the back and then he squealed with delight as he saw Rex and then greeted me. Apparently he had been looking forward to my visit.

We got coats and shoes on and got in the car and went to Prairie Harvest. Every time I glanced back at Emmet in the car, he giggle screamed with delight. I love him so much.

Emmet used the potty before we left and came out and announced in a funny voice, “That’s a lot of pee” which he then continued say a bunch more times, including at the restaurant.

Little friendly Henry grinned and waved at everyone in the restaurant repeatedly from his high chair. Emmet took his boots off and wormed around in his seat and ate one bite of bread the whole lunch. Henry made the cutest face as he tasted hummus for the first time. He wasn’t quite sure but he ate it and we think he liked it.

Emmet wanted to go up the stairs badly. He asked and then while waiting for Leah inched closer and closer to the stairs but accepted we weren’t going there.

At the house, Emmet followed me into the bathroom and watched while I pooped. He even looked to make sure it was coming out. This is quite the experience, I tell you. But I did earn a sticker for pooping in the potty. This was followed by several readings of the book, “Everyone poops,” with Emmet pointing out every pile of poop the animals made. Such is life with a toddler.

At nap time, Emmet and I read books together in his chair then he went right to sleep in his little bed. I tried to put stuffed animals in bed with him but he instructed me to “leave them there.” He is quite the little instructor lately.

Leah and I talked then bought her birthday present on Amazon (a big African basket) then closed our eyes for about half an hour with cuddly Moose. When Henry woke up, I went to get him and he grinned his sweet, whole face grin at me, then put his head on my shoulder after I picked him up.

Emmet got up shortly after and while Leah made some cinnamon nut bread, I entertained the boys in Emmet’s room. First Emmet gave Henry a car so we could play with the blocks. Henry kept knocking the blocks over so Emmet called him a “silly goose”. Emmet also kept saying, “Hi Rex” and giving Rex gentle pets and hugs. I can understand more and more of what Emmet is saying now.

After Henry was out of the room, Emmet and I played a rough game we sort of called “hug monster” that involved semi hiding under the blanket, hugging, and wrestling. He laughed and laughed from his belly. We played the longest time but he would have kept playing for hours, I think. Emmet has a tremendous attention span. Longer than mine, for sure, and my energy level.

Just before we left, Leah took Henry’s shirt off and discovered a rash. I suspected roseola and confirmed on WebMD while Leah called the doctor. Poor baby. But his fever was down today so he is through the worst of it.

I bought some Lavender and Clover items today, as usual, then said my goodbyes and headed out for the long drive home. Emmet didn’t cry when I left this time and it was easier for me to leave with Rex with me. Next time I see them, I will be watching the boys for three days, partly by myself while Leah and Dave go to Hannah and Kent’s bachelor and bachelorette party. Woo boo! I had better rest up for that!