dianegclark

After a hike this morning in Golden with my granddog, Sierra, I left Golden and drove through the mountains on part two of my adventure. I again sang and listened to two books on audible (Living the Oola Life, and Maybe You Should Talk to Someone), took a roadside nap and ate a delicious roadside peach.

I left I-70 after a hard day of driving and headed down an off beat road with no cell service, a tire light on, and a prayer. After seven miles, I found the highway I set out for and checked in with my friend who assured me I was going the right way. “Excellent, enjoy the canyon,” she texted.

After praising God for the campground restroom I found, I headed into the most beautiful place I have ever been in my entire life. It was the red canyon along the Colorado river just outside Moab, Utah. Unbelievable beauty. I had the windows down and the sun roof open, a cool breeze blowing in the car. I took video after video and pulled off to take in the overwhelming beauty several times. I cried it was so beautiful.

Hilary was so excited that I came and she is stoked to show me all the cool scenery and hikes and sights around Moab. Moab itself is super cool, too, like Salida, CO on steroids! Hilary’s husband is on sabbatical so they rent a neat condo a short walking distance from downtown. We walked to dinner along a sidewalk that went beside a kid’s summer camp, through painted tunnels, and over scenic walk bridges. Downtown has awesome shops, artwork and restaurants. We ate at a pizza place on the open patio.

I am exhausted so after checking in with my peeps, I am off to sleep. Can’t wait to see all that tomorrow holds!

Part one of the adventure:. Today i drove to Golden, CO to stay the night with Hannah and Kent. I missed Kent by 10 minutes as he left for work in the Mohave. Hannah and i went for a walk and saw five deer and a prairie dog. Then we grabbed dinner, looked through wedding photos and watched a british cooking show on Netflix. My fortune cookie said, “a visit to a strange place will bring you a renewed perspective…”. Part two of the adventure starts tomorrow!

Stay tuned my precious blog followers….

I’ve been wanting a tattoo for some time. I have small tattoos of the words Jesus and Hope in cursive on the insides of my wrists that I got several years ago. This time, I knew I wanted flowers, maybe a sleeve or half sleeve. Its been on my mind for some time. Recently, I got the idea to have Leah’s flowers tattooed. I approached her and she was favorable, but hesitated about actually designing one.

A friend told me about art student, Freja, at Mash Up Gallery. A couple of weeks ago I decided to stop by to see her. She said she could look at Leah’s art and design something, a vine down my arm. Leah reminded me that her art is copyrighted so I assured her I would pay her.

Yesterday I went to Mash Up. Freja looked at Leah’s flowers and created the most beautiful vine design. She measured and fitted it to my arm and made a stencil.

Then she got started. Someone asked me if it hurt. I would say it was uncomfortable. At times, very uncomfortable. But not painful.

The design process took about and hour and a half. The tattoo itself a little over an hour. And then it was done!

I love it!

We will add color in a few weeks after my skin settles down.

Someone I love made a comment the other day on facebook. She said, “shaved hair, shooting guns, now a tattoo, who are you?” I reminded her that she forgot the belly button ring. And kickboxing. My true answer is this. On this healing journey, I have awoken the badass side of myself. This is an expression of me. Feminine, a little unpredictable, and fully badass.

This month has been a whirlwind with Julie’s hospital then hospice stay and passing and then Hannah and Kent’s wedding. This weekend, we all came together to celebrate Julie’s life and begin the grieving process together.

Julie’s closest friends and family met up and stayed at the Circle S ranch just outside of Lawrence. It was the perfect place, peaceful, with many outdoor and indoor places to gather, and beautifully decorated private rooms on three floors. Each room has a different theme.

Our room had a giant bed, a couch, table and chairs, jacuzzi tub, two sided fireplace in the bathroom.

Friday evening we sat around the bonfire while the kids got acquainted and ran around together.

Later, Kent, Dave, Nancy and I sat in the hot tub.

Saturday morning it was raining when I got up. Dave and I and Chris sat outside on rocking chairs and watched the rain and sang a little to Dave’s guitar. It was lovely.

My friends Alexis and Jeff came in time for the lovely brunch prepared for us and I sat and visited with them for a couple of hours. It meant a lot that they came.

I grabbed a quick nap then the service started out in the renovated barn at 4. It was filled to spill in out with Julie’s family and friends. We sang, a Pastor from Julie’s church spoke, and Scott, Shari, Ian and Peggy also spoke. They talked of Julie’s faith, her love for her family, her love of walking, and her constant smile and positive outlook, even after her fall.

The party went on late into the evening, just as Julie would have liked it.

I haven’t faced the fact that Julie is gone yet. I will include a few more pics from the weekend then blog more about Julie, the Grandma, Mom, Sister, and Mom-in-law.

I sought God this morning on the Konza. I found Him, but not there.

I packed up my new fanny pack (my MIL loved fanny packs and left me one) and headed out to the Konza. I love the Konza. I had big plans. Gonna do church on the Konza. Make a facebook/insta post about it.

The Konza was closed due to a washed out bridge. Blocked.

Ok, I got this, I’ll go to my favorite woods trail next to the river. I love the woods. So I set out, parked, found the secret trail, started down it. Not 50 steps in, I was covered with spider webs and spiders. Noooo!

I got this, too. Grabbed a big stick, waved it in front of me, forging on my own path. Didn’t work. I had to turn back.

So I ended up on the linear trail. Plain, mowed grass, not much to see, wide open, hand on my pepper spray due to all the random questionable characters going by on their bikes.

For sure I was in a philosophical mood, but I did set out to seek God this morning. I do that every morning. I’m on a healing journey. This morning’s trials were my personal message from the One Who knows me and loves me.

I often have big plans to do God’s work, to find Him. And hit blocks. Sometimes huge, unpassable blocks that leave me wondering, hurting, feeling alone. I used to think it was my sin that separated me from God. A friend reminded me that nothing can separate us from His Love. God has been showing me that in my shame, I hide from Him, like Adam and Eve in the garden.

This morning He reminded me that He just want to walk with me in the garden, hang out with me. That’s why He created me. To love Him and be with Him. I make my big plans to set out on my own ways to find Him and do great things for Him. Then in my efforts, I keep trying and life’s huge distractions get in my way, seek to discourage me and make me quit. Even as I write this on my lower patio under the trees, my dog took a big stinky shit that I had to get up and move. Then the mosquitos attacked me and I had to get bug spray.

This morning, I found God on the linear trail and He spoke to me. He is there in the mundane, the ordinary. All I have to do is come to Him wide open, vulnerable, broken, just as I am, without expectation. He just wants to hang out with me. Not to do anything. Not to be anything. Just love Him and soak up His healing love.

I first met Julie at her house on Pipher Lane during a chili feed for Scott’s shift on the FD. She was whispering to her friend that Scott was in love with me.

Scott moved in with Julie in her apartment at Heritage Ridge to save money when we were engaged. I got to know her better and we became close.

I remember driving Julie to KU Med Center August 6 to meet Ian who had been born premie. And then spending hours with Shari, Scott and Julie while we all pitched in to take care of Ian.

Julie and I quickly became more than mother and daughter in law. We became friends. We walked and talked for hours together. She prayed constantly for a husband to love. I remember she hung a pair of men’s pants on her bedpost and prayed for a man to fill them. She really did pray for parking spaces, too. She had a strong faith that inspired mine even though we disagreed on many faith issues.

I remember when Julie was selling Mary Kay, I had a party for her and no one came. She did a facial on Scott and I. I also remember once she walked in the house when Scott and I were in bed. Thank goodness she saw the line of clothes leading to the bedroom. She thought that was so funny.

Julie met and married Jon about 4 years into Scott and my marraige. We had a lot of fun, the four of us, looking at houses all over town as he sold real estate. He helped us find the house we live in now.

Julie went with Jon to Texas, leaving all of us, Hannah as a newborn, and her great job as the General’s secretary on post. She didn’t want to go and she hated Texas. While there, she survived a horrible car accident. A semi merged into her causing her to spin, hit the semi again, then was flung into oncoming traffic, hit head on, then landing upside down in the median. She said that while the car flew out of control, she said “Jesus save me” and the car was filled with white. She crawled out the back window of the car and sat on the steps of the semi to wait for the ambulance with zero injuries. She was pissed that when they got to the ER, they cut off her favorite bra.

Julie went through a horrible depression after that and we spent hours talking on the phone. When she and Jon broke up, we were so happy to have her home with us.

Julie then worked as a medical transcriptionist at Lafene for years. She could listen to the tapes, type, and read the Bible at the same time.

Julie was always fit and healthy. She nibbled veggies and nuts all day. When she ate with us, she’d always comment on how could we eat so much cheese! She walked and walked and walked right up til her final fall.

Julie lived with us for six months after she had a seizure at work and had her drivers license suspended. We loved having her there, her laughter and positive outlook. Lots of people would hate having their mother in law live with them, but they wouldn’t if it was Julie. I didn’t love her 4:30am alarm and often laid there and wondered what in the world she was doing up there. I’d hear her alarm and then a million super fast footsteps all over the room til she left for work.

Julie loved her family so much. She was such a good grandma to the kids. She came to as many events as she possibly could, all the birthdays, holidays, games, plays, recitals. She did that with all of Shari’s kids too, right up to the end. One day when she was in her confused state in the hospital, she told me she changed into her shoes and drove to a game. She was talking about Sam’s games.

Julie was so happy to meet Larry and loved him dearly. They dressed alike every single day. They ate their healthy food and walked together. They had puppies and for that short time period, she actually got to co-own a home rather than live in apartments. It was so sad when he died. But Julie always did ok on her own, a strong woman.

Julie did not like to spend money. She lived her entire life paycheck to paycheck. She’d scrimp and save or go into debt so she could write those little birthday and Christmas checks to the kids. Even after she got her settlement for falling, she wouldn’t spend it, not on herself and not on others. She wrote on her vision board that she wanted to give it all away. Guess she did just that.

I still can’t completely wrap my head around the fact that Julie is gone. Mom and I loved to meet up with her when we went to Topeka monthly to the eye doctor. This last time we went, we couldn’t bring ourselves to go to Cracker Barrell where we’d meet Julie.

The celebration of life was wonderful but I kept looking around for Julie. I will miss her terribly.

What an amazing weekend. There is way to much to relay, too many pictures to share, so I will just hit the highlights.

We loved staying at Hannah and Kent’s little house in Golden on our way there. They’ve fixed it up and made it theirs and it is really cute. We stopped in Laramie on the way there and the way back. Love Laramie.

We loved Lander, where we stayed, the downtown, the views, even the drive there.

We loved meeting the rest of Kent’s family and getting to know them. Having the wedding in the backyard was perfect. It turned out so well.

The cocktail party Friday night was so much fun. Hannah had all of us wear black cocktail clothes and they wore white! Everyone looked so elegant and sophisticated. We listened to a jazz musician friend of theirs and sipped cocktails (and shots 🙂 and talked.

Reconnecting with Hannah’s childhood friends, Hannah, Hannah, Rachel, Josh. There were hugs and tears and memories and lots of love. I danced with Josh and enjoyed catching up with him. He got to be a part of getting Hannah ready which was special.

Meeting all of Hannah’s physical therapy school friends. What amazing people! I’ve heard so much about al of them. And her Laramie friends, too. Again lots of hugs and love all around.

Family time. Always good. It was fun to spend time with Molly and hear about her movie adventures and get to know her better. The rehearsal was fun and hanging out with our immediate family joined by Kent’s was special. Everyone came over Sunday night to the retreat where we stayed for dinner (leftovers from the best wedding food I’ve ever eaten), outdoor games, and a bonfire.

Emmet was awesome as usual. In the car we taught him to say, “Pop it, Grandma” when he wanted to get somewhere fast. A couple of times, he came into a room or left a room and said, “good to see you all.” He referred to me several times as “bud”, Like “What’re you doing, bud?” Once when he returned a toy to a baby’s parents, he bent over and presented it to them and said, “Thank you, welcome”.

Henry was awesome as usual, too. He is saying words in his sweet, little voice. He says “flowerer” when he sees any flower as he loves them. If you asked him if he pooped, he points to his diaper and says, “Poo!” He put up his sweet adorable arms to reach for me lots of times. The last morning, he reached for me when he woke up and put his head on my shoulder and let me hold him a long time. He usually only lets his mom and dad do that. It was cute to watch he and Dave interact, too. Dave is really good with him.

Other random things. Hannah Baker told us she wants us to be her parents. With tears and sincerity. We agreed. Josh told me he loves me several times and gave me an open invite to his apartment. We will have he and his partner over. I connected with Heidi’s six year old son who was adorable with long blonde hair and dressed western. She confided in me that I was instrumental with her going through with having and keeping him. That was very cool to hear. A gal came up to me at the party and said I looked and sounded like the singer Pink.

Hannah told me thanks for being the life of the party. Ok, I did do tequila shots both nights. Lots of them. Very fun.

Loved singing “More of You” with Scott. Got tons of compliments. The words were perfect. Scott nailed it. I had a hard time looking out at the audience because about every other person was crying including Hannah and Kent.

First dances. Hannah and Scott danced to Billy Joel’s Lullaby. Hannah and Kent choreographed some serious moves for their first dance.

The wedding itself was so special and perfect. Everyone wore floral. It was the perfect size. The perfect location and the decorations were beautiful, simple, rustic and reflected Hannah. The ceremony was so touching. Hannah’s vows and “performance” of them were perfectly Hannah. Kent’s simple vows were so sweet. He said he isn’t a planner but Hannah is so he was officially pencilling her in for forever. Tears! Hannah’s dress was simple and elegant and so her. The dinner and party after were the best I’ve ever been to.

Kent is an amazing young man and fits into our family so well. It was Such a beautiful celebration of the start of their married life together.

We cancelled the birthday/anniversary party but had three more!

The kids all came home for Hannah and Kent’s Kansas wedding celebration party two weekends ago. It was so awesome to have them home. We spent Saturday at Lake Wabaunsee then the party was Saturday night.

Then last weekend was Scott’s 40th High School reunion. We had a great time at Kite’s Friday night then had everyone over Saturday and also went to another party Saturday night before coming back here.

Loved catching up with everyone and made some new friends!

The third party was for Dave’s 50th birthday. We had so many people over here! Kids everywhere with sticky root beer and ice cream and chocolate cake. Tons and tons of food. Lots of noise and laughter and joy.

We love parties over here! Wanna come?

I’m a writer. I write. I journal every morning. I blog. I’m almost done with my first novel. I am sorry for the long break in my blogs, my blog followers. I am sorting out many things and realized that blogging is one way I do that. I have been told I’m too open. I have thought a lot about that and prayed about it. I decided that’s who I am. If someone doesn’t like who I am, they are always welcome to discuss it with me because I am open to change and open to caring, constructive input. But I’m gonna be me. If someone has a problem with that ultimately, fuck em.

I am so excited about my novel, “She’s on Her Own”, which is in it’s end stages. I have three faithful readers/editors who are pouring over it slowly, giving input. I will take their suggestions and make changes and then begin finding a publisher.

The story is a fictionalized true story of two women I met through the Homestead program, one trafficked as a child and as a young adult. The second woman, groomed for trafficking, was brutally murdered. Both are stories that need told, stories of redemption and hope. Stories of victory and courage. I am so proud of the novel.

My favorite editor is 96 years young. He told me yesterday he has fallen in love with the two main characters and is completely caught up in their stories. He said that I have exceptional talent and he loves my writing style. He is struggling a little with the raw language but he is only halfway through. Their stories are not for the faint at heart. Even Deb, who has heard all of these girls’ stories, said she has trouble sleeping after reading it in the evening.

I currently have about four blog posts in me that will pour out today. I write them for me, but if you get something out of them, that is awesome. Enjoy.