dianegclark

You can make a difference and so can I.

It’s happening all around us. Women are trapped in unimaginable situations. Maybe they walked into it willingly. Maybe drugs dragged them in. The internet. Deception. Or an intense need for love, or some other unmet need.

So many have trauma histories. Foster care. Sexual abuse. Violated boundaries. Horrible pain that they try to numb out. Or poverty leads them in, a way to pay their overdue bills and fines, to take care of their children.

There are some who choose it, or believe they do. For a time. But most are filled with shame, feel trapped, traumatized, want out. Their brains actually deceive them, like an addiction. They are manipulated, deceived. They believe they are being loved or are being taken care of.

Sex trafficking.

So what can we do? The statistics are staggering. For every one who applies to our program, there are so many we turn away. I try hard not to think about it. We try so hard to make a difference. But we have six beds, very limited funds. We do make a difference with each one who comes.

Tons of people care. Changes are happening. Laws are changing. Funds are coming in. But the problem is growing faster than the help is coming in. I’d like to quote stats but those are impossible to keep up with, too. And they are so depressing.

I go back week after week and lead the support group. I go to the graduations, keep in touch with the graduates. I SEE and FEEL the difference God is making in the lives of these women. They stay for a year, more or less. It costs a huge amount to help each one. Dollars, hours and hours of volunteer time and other resources.

It isn’t enough.

How can you help them?

Like the starfish. One at a time. By raising awareness. One story at a time.

The girls bravely tell their stories. They speak out. Every person who hears, who is moved, hopefully is spurred on to figure out what their role is, how they can help. Maybe you can’t lead a support group or write a book. But you can give. Time, resources, money. You can sign petitions, speak out, attend events.

I wrote a book. I helped Sophie and Emma and others tell their stories. Now I’m trying to get their stories read. I’ve never written a book and never promoted one. Many in my circle are buying and reading the book. From all the research I’m doing about promoting a book, I understand I need reviews on amazon and Goodreads. I need you to tell your friends about the book. Help me get the word out. Outside this small circle. Word of mouth, social media. Tell everyone.

You can help.

Every day as I make my gratitude list, I thank God for coffee. I am truly thankful for coffee.

I have coffee with Jesus every morning. I sit in a special spot surrounded by my puppies, with bright lights, soft praise music, my prayer journal and Bible app, and my coffee. When I pop my eyes open in the morning, my first thought is always about coffee in this spot in this way.

I drink Starbucks breakfast blend coffee which is ironic, because I don’t really care for the fancy Starbucks offerings at the coffee shop. I use So Delicious vanilla coconut creamer. It is yummy and creamy and just sweet enough. I like to think it’s healthy but I could be deceiving myself.

We have tried French press and chemex pour over and decided we prefer our simple Braun coffee maker.

Unfortunately, I am unable to drink coffee after about 10:30 am or I’m awake all night. I’d love to have an afternoon cup. If I’m out for afternoon coffee with friends, I’ll have a decaf. Not sure why I don’t make it at home. Maybe I should!

I recently joined a Facebook group for coffee lovers and wow are they into it! This blog is for you!

I don’t do it often enough. That’s what i was thinking last night as i was seeing out my colorful place settings and pulling a yummy casserole out of the oven for friends.

I had my wonderful friend Cynthia and her roomies over for dinner last night. I forgot to take pics so i grabbed this one from Facebook because you have to see how fun and special she is.

I met Cynthia at my last job and she joined me in leading the support group at Homestead. Since then, we meet for lunch about every other week. Cynthia is an amazing person and social worker.

Cynthia’s roommate, Mack, often comes to stay with the dogs when we go out of town. So I was excited to have Cynthia, Mack and their roommate Carolyn over. We ate a yummy casserole, blueberry slump, drank Redd’s and chatted. Then we tried to light the fire pit up but the wood was too wet.

I have missed entertaining. I’m not a great cook or entertainment but I sure enjoy having people over.

Ever wonder what retired people do all day? When I was working, I imagined that they slept all day and sat around drinking coffee in their pajamas and went for walks, read all day, and basically did whatever they pleased. I think that’s what my husband thinks I do all day, too, eat bon bons all day or something. Most of the retired people are extremely busy and have to work at balance, self care, and rest, too. It’s the culture we live in.

BTW, the term I’ve decided that best fits my status is “temporarily semi retired.”

So what is a typical day like for me? I’ll give you a run down of today. Yesterday. I had the opportunity to go see my sister in law and neice (see blog post). I am super grateful for chances to go do those types of things along with visiting the grand babies.

I woke up this morning around 8. Yes, having no alarm clock set most days is glorious. Gone are the days of waking up at 5:30 and starting with middle schoolers in my office at 7:10. While working as a therapist, I often started with my first client at 8:30. But I set my own hours and only worked three days a week.

After I get up, I carry my old doggie, Rex, out to use the bathroom. I get my coffee (already made, thank you sweetie) and breakfast, then sit in my quiet time chair, one dog at my feet and one in my lap. I write in my journal, gratitude, prayers, Bible verses. I say I have coffee with Jesus every morning. Try it, He loves to join you. Also, it is important to get as much light into your eyes within the first hour of waking so I like to turn on all the lights and sit in a bright room.

Then I either get dressed and go to 9rounds for a workout before my bath or I take my luxurious soaker tub bath first then go lift weights at Genesis. I vary the times I go work out and I don’t go every day but I do try to do something physical every day.

Then I send a couple of encouraging texts to my peeps. Social connection is important. I try to do something in person, coffee, or lunch, with someone different most days of the week.

Next is promoting my novel and the practice I am opening soon through social media. I try to make one or two posts about each every day. I spend about one hour each per day on those two things, novel writing or promoting and something for the business. My favorite are shopping days when I look for things for the new office. Today I found a lockable wooden file cabinet from vintage round up and yesterday I had Leah go pick up the roasting pan I saw at an antique store for hot towels for the massage therapy room.

Next I run errands, pick up prescriptions, grocery store, bank, regular stuff that I used to have to squeeze in after work or on weekends. It is nice to do that during the day. Today I went to the doctor for the cold that won’t let up. I also hit Target and am happy to report that the red circle didn’t get me to buy anything not on my list!

At some point will be lunch, spent in front of the TV watching Netflix or catching up on my Chicago shows. BTW, Joel’s girlfriend Molly is going to be on an episode of The Resident soon, so I’ve been keeping up with that series. That’ll be fun.

Then of course, nap time. I have taken a short afternoon nap for at least 25 years. Super important! I’m semi famous for my naps. Of course, semi retirement can mean extra long naps.

I do a little cleaning each day. You would think my house would be pretty clean since I spend more time in it but I find it harder to be motivated to clean now than when I was working. I am trying to be more disciplined about this along with meal planning and prep. I think Scott would agree I’m worse at meals now.

Once a week I do the support group for Homestead. Once a week I meet with my clinical supervisees and graduate intern. I try to touch base with my Mama every day, once or twice a week in person. I see Adelle about once a month.

I also gotta work in some beauty stuff—hair cuts, mani pedi, tanning, all in prep for our Hawaii honeymoon in a few weeks. Today it was tanning.

So balancing self care, family, socialization, physical activity, spirituality, and productivity. I will still do this after I open the practice and go back to work.

And just like that the day is over and Scott is home. I let him unwind then we eat dinner, talk, watch HGTV and hang out.

It’s a great life.

Today I drove to Perry to visit my Sister-in-law, Shari in Perry. Since she is joining the practice Ethos Therapy and Life Coaching when it opens, she wanted me to sample one of her massages. Wow! She’s really good! I was so relaxed! I’m always worried I’m gonna drool during a massage.

After the massage and lunch, we drove to my niece Emily’s farm between Lawrence and Ottawa. I have wanted to see it for a long time and it was better than I even imagined. The farm house is beautiful with lots of homey unique features like brick walls in the kitchen and an oval window in the door.

First I met my great niece, Jessie. She’s 9 weeks old and the best baby! She didn’t fuss at all the whole time!

We went outside and met Kyle and Waffles the goats, the cats, the dogs, the chickens, the roosters, Greta the pig and Alex the duck. We also saw baby ducks and chicks inside.

I’m so glad I went. A little something out of the ordinary and a day I enjoyed very much.

I did it! I published a book!

T/he idea for the book came from my husband, Scott, while in Nashville with our group, Midwest Meets Manhattan. We were there to record two songs, That’s Why I Like the Rain, and She’s On Her Own. As we talked, I told about Sophie (not her real name), a gal in the sex trafficking survivors group I lead. We talked about the song, She’s On Her Own, and how it so clearly fit Sophie’s life. I told the guys, Dave, Chad, and Scott, that I’d played the song, That’s Why I Like the Rain for Sophie and she cried remembering playing in the rain with Emma (not her real name). We talked about the possibility of creating an album to help spread awareness of sex trafficking. Scott suggested I write a book.

I tossed the idea around and ran it by Sophie. She loved it. We got started right away. We met every week. I’d pick her up at her little duplex apartment and we’d get fast food and go to my house. For privacy and relaxation, Sophie would lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling while I asked her questions and wrote like crazy in a notebook. Often I’d have to have her stop and breathe and sit in her feelings as if we were doing therapy. We laughed and cried. Often she’d have to stop of change to another less intense topic. Toward the end of the interviews, Sophie moved back home so we had to interview over the phone.

Once I had all the chapters written, I created a timeline of when things really took place. Then I moved the chapters around so they made sense and unfolded more like the order of a novel with foreshadowing and a climax. That created issues with what characters were actually in each chapter since girls come and leave The Haven (not the real name) so frequently. Only one chapters’ events didn’t happen. Pretty much everything else actually occurred. Of course, I wasn’t in Sophie’s therapy sessions with her. I had to speculate how the therapist would respond or what she would ask or do but it turned out to what I said and did while interviewing Sophie. Sophie hadn’t actually worked all the way through her life span of issues before Laura (not her real name) left. Toward the end of the writing to add details, I wrote off the top of my head. When Sophie read those parts, she said she felt like I knew her so well I was in her head.

I wrote the book originally with the real names and locations. One weekend to finish up the book, Sophie and I spent the weekend in another town at a hotel. We went for walks, sat in the hot tub, and went out for dinners but mostly laid in the giant bed, me writing and she reading as we downed tons of unhealthy snacks. We made up all the names and changed them. We reminisced about Emma whom we both miss a lot.

Then came the editing. I sent the first chapters to my niece Haley who has some experience with content editing. She gave tons and tons of suggestions as she read the entire book and forced me to add lots more details and specifics. Scott also read the book and made suggestions and corrections. A friend of mine who is in law enforcement read the book and made suggestions and corrections. A friend of mine, a former Professor in his 80’s read the book to copy edit it. He didn’t care for the language but said he was in love with the main characters and liked my writing style. He didn’t get to the raw parts of the book.

After about about three more edits for grammar, punctuation, spelling, name and location changes, the book was complete. Around this time, Chad from Midwest Meets Manhattan, was also reading the book. He wrote the song, The Fall, based directly on the jail scene and also experiences with a close friend. As he wrote and sang other songs for us, I could easily see how they fit with the book. We talked about co-promoting the book and the album, even showing videos and interviews with the survivors.

I asked my Mom to draw a cover for the book. She came up with some ideas and sketches but decided it wasn’t quite right. When our daughter Hannah was home, she read the beginning of the book and proposed a picture of a girl walking up a dirt road toward a house. She returned to her home and asked how I felt about the girl wearing her grandma’s slippers and carrying a bag. I immediately loved it. She sent the picture she’d drawn and I quickly adopted it as the official cover.

Eventually, we traveled to Nashville and recorded the album. Soon after returning home, I formatted the book for kindle and print and published it. I got a huge response from friends on facebook and instagram right away.

It hasn’t really quite sunk in all the way that I’m an author but it satisfies something deep inside me. I write blogs often and in my journal every morning. I love to write therapy notes after sessions. I have read about a novel a week my whole life. I’m already tossing a bunch of ideas around for future novels.

Several months ago, I visited Danielle (not her real name) in prison. She asked how I would feel about writing her story as the sequel to She’s On Her Own. Out of all the ideas that have been tossed out, this one resonated the most. It is almost impossible to figure out how to interview her but we are working on it. It costs so much for her to call me, we can’t take a writing implement into the visitation room in prison, and writing back and forth doesn’t fit the interview format well. So we shall see.

I loved writing She’s On Her Own and I hope and pray it makes a huge impact.

Please check out our music on Spotify, amazon, iTunes and pandora, our facebook and instagram pages, and our website: Midwest Meets Manhattan, She’s On Her Own.

I wrote this post shortly after Dave stepped down as Pastor at TRU. It was too raw to publish then. Since then, we have very much felt the loss of TRU. We still get together with some of our TRU family but not all of them. I miss singing on the worship team. A lot. Both rehearsals and Sunday mornings. I miss being a part of the Welcome team. And I miss Sunday mornings. Everyone so happy to see each other, checking in on each other, sharing burdens.

We’ve started attending another church but nothing will ever be TRU.

Six years ago, Scott and I were sitting every Sunday morning at Westview Community Church going through the motions. We sat in the same spot by the same people. We looked forward to seeing them and greeting them. We always promised we’d get together with them but never did. We sang the songs and listened to the sermons and put our tithe in the plate when it went by.

Over the years, we learned a lot about God and grew in our faith. We went on mission trips, internationally and disaster relief. I taught Sunday school and led some women’s Bible studies. I became involved in Homestead minisitries. We raised our family in the church, had them attend Sunday school and the service weekly.

When we first met Dave, we weren’t sure what to think. We loved his style of worship. I had become critical in my spirit of the worship at Westview and didn’t like that in myself. So when the concept of planting a church came up and was talked about more in a Sunday school led by Dave, we jumped on it.

The core group grew as the vision grew. It would be something different. No more playing at church. No more going through the motions. We would reach people where they were, in a vastly unchurched area. The core group began meeting in our home.

Around the same time, Scott and I started a small group in our home. We had a couple from TRU, a couple who were friends of ours, and a former Homestead gal and her baby daddy who attended. We had a meal together and talked about God and the Bible and grew together. We came alongside one of the couples as they struggled with their meth addiction.

When TRU started, Scott and I were all in. He began in the children’s ministry teaching the kids. I ran the Welcome team. We loved TRU. So many hurting, broken, addicted people came seeking hope. Lives were changed.

After a couple of years, I had the opportunity to sing with Dave. I absolutely loved it. Dave worked tirelessly with me to teach me to harmonize and blend with his voice. A year later, Scott joined us. We loved our Thursday night dinners and rehearsals at our house. We also loved the Saturday practices at the church after set up. Mom on the keyboards, Travis on the guitar, Josh or Dave on the bass, Josh or Darren on drums. Sometimes also Bobby on guitar too. We laughed and joked and had a blast. Early on Jandi joined us sometimes and then later Labarbara and Darryl. We even joined the band a few times in either Travis or Josh’s garage for rehearsal. Wayne and Fred were often setting up chairs at Saturday rehearsal and then either Jason or Matthew were on the sound board. I have such precious memories of all of these times with these people. We were a family, real and raw and unedited.

Sunday mornings, Scott and I drove to West Manhattan to pick up mom, later also picking up Labarbara on the way, then over to north Manhattan to pick up Adelle, then off to St. George by 830. Warming up vocally in the car was always fun. We used to do actual vocal warm ups from you tube, but later had a rotation of Jason Mraz, Michael Buble, Chris Stapleton and Midwest Meets Manhattan songs we sang in the car. Sometimes we sang the actual worship songs we’d sing that Sunday. Everyone’s moods were right there in the mornings, including Labarbara’s talkative moods, my shortness, mom’s ditziness, Scott’s slothlikeness, and Adelle always with her headphones on listening to her own thing.

After awhile, TRU felt like other church. Going through the motions. Playing church. People came “dressed” for church. When they’d ask how you were, and you’d say you were struggling, the answer was, “Oh, I’ll pray for you,” with a look like, “Its church, why would you say that?” Even worship, though fun, sometimes felt more like a performance than a time of praise. At least in my spirit. Tear down became a burden rather than an act of service. More “church” people came and less hurting, broken people. Or if they were hurting, they hid it behind church masks. People started getting in their holy huddles, cliques, who knew what info. We were also guilty of that.

I do have a lot of memories of great celebrations and get togethers with the core team and others, getting to know awesome people. People loved and accepted Adelle. For the most part. There were those who complained when she, too, didn’t act quite like a church person was supposed to act.

I have believed in and supported TRU for six years with my time, support, talent and heart. I really wanted something different to happen there. It did then it didn’t. I love Jesus with all my heart but I really don’t think His focus was having people come to church. His focus was to offer hope.

For now, we plan to take a break from all church. And maybe we can find a way to start something that offers the hope of Jesus that isn’t church. But for now, we will rest.

I will treasure the good times at TRU. And miss parts of it. I really hope to keep in touch with those who shared their true hearts with us. And I will pray for TRU.

Henry and Emmet have been so adorable lately, I have to capture some of the memories.

Last week I spent the day in Newton. Emmet wasn’t feeling well and got pretty sick by the end of the day so he was mellow and stuck close to Leah all day. That meant that I got pure Henry time. Usually Henry is pretty shy but he greeted me with a huge smile and loud, “Mammaw!” We played alone the two of us in his room quite awhile and he spent a lot of time on my lap. I soaked it all up! When I was leaving, Henry said, “Gammaw, wait!”

Emmet always gives me the sweetest hugs and smiles. When he was napping, Leah was resting and Emmet had an accident. I helped him change then laid down with him. I tried to nap, our faces about 3 inches apart. Every time I popped an eye open, Emmet was looking at me and smiled so sweetly.

Scott and I went to Newton yesterday to deliver and pick up some furniture. This time, Henry wasn’t feeling well and was pushing up on nap time. But even his little tantrums were adorable. He lays down and pulls his knees up under him and puts his face in his hands and sobs the most pitiful sounds. Leah does NOT think its cute at all.

We played cars and tracks with both boys. Emmet is so patient and helpful with Henry, giving him turns without being asked, and helping him retrieve cars. At one point when Henry was crying because he was so tired, Emmet said, “It’s ok, he’s two.”

Henry was funny. During dinner he brought me a wad of toilet paper at the table and told me to wipe. He says the absolute cutest funny things, his words for things and facial expressions.

Emmet tells huge, long stories with all kinds of details. Scott spent the longest time throwing the boys on the bed while they laughed and laughed. They love Scott so much and don’t see as much of him as they do me, so when Scott is there, they are both ALL about “Papa.”

Time to update you on all the things going on. We have clearly been in a waiting period with tiny steps being made. The realization that everything is truly going to happen is finally setting in.

The Music

We leave for Nashville on Saturday! If you follow our facebook and instagram pages, you’ll know that the guys went down last week and watched the musicians lay down the music tracks. They are so awesome! I can listen to just the music without voices in the car all day long. This is going to be the perfect album just to have on in your house or car at any given time. Then adding the words, the stories, the messages and the freaking harmonies! Everyone involved or who has listened has a different favorite song. The producer and experienced musicians as well as Dave and Chad all think we have some hits.

So its rehearse, rehearse, go over lines, stretch our voices while trying to balance out rest and getting/staying healthy so our voices are ready to go. We will be recording 8 songs in 4 days. Scott and I have only done a practice studio so it is going to be a fresh experience. But we are doing all we can to be ready! Dave has put in hours and hours to get us ready. Chad has put in hours and hours writing and perfecting and sending us tracks. Scott has put in hours of contributing, co creating, and working out the business stuff.

We anticipate 6-8 weeks for the vinyl to be cut after the final mix and mastering of the songs. We will hit the social media platforms hard. When it is all ready, the publicist will promote the music and the book. We could do interviews, TV, radio, magazine. Then we will put together mini tours in the places we do the interviews.

If you haven’t yet, please check out our website MidwestMeetsManhattan.com and like and share on facebook and instagram. You can also catch some live performances on facebook. Don’t forget that four of the songs are already out on iTunes, Spotify and amazon music.

The Book

We are in the very final stages of the editing for grammar and punctuation so its perfect. I’m reading it aloud to Scott every night which helps both of us. Chad and Mel are reading it. Our daughter Hannah is reading parts of it so she can get ideas for the cover sketch. Once it is all ready, we will publish it on a web platform that gets it out on all the ebook formats as well as print on demand on Amazon. I will be able as the author to get up to 999 print copies for copy and shipping costs only. We will promote the book along with the album in the interviews and on social media and then have it available for sale at the merch table along with the vinyl. So excited!

The Practice

We are in all the nitty gritty stages of the legal paperwork, the lease, the LLC stuff, the malpractice and liability insurances. Once the lease is signed, the landlord will start the renovations on the office space. We are excited about our office location, 1445 Anderson, in the Anderson Village shopping center. It is next to Suds y’r Duds and down from Sparrow Coffee across from KSU and on the back side of MCC. Two minutes from the house! It is public but also private and has a back entrance and lots of parking in front and back. It has a waiting room, reception area and tiny kitchen, a staff bathroom, a public bathroom, three pretty good size offices and tons of storage.

I’m excited and nervous about all aspects of the practice but am confident moving forward.

Be sure to like and share the facebook and instagram pages Ethos Therapy and Life Coaching and check out our website. Ethostherapyandlifecoaching.com

Me

I continue to volunteer at Homestead and have two clinical supervisees. I work out at Genesis and 9 rounds. I’m still doing lots of self care and resting and healing while getting ready for all the great things to come.

Scott and I shared a quiet Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We went to the Romeros for a yummy meal and dessert. The kids arrived the next evening.

I picked up Joel and Molly at the rental car place as they drove from Molly’s family in Wisconsin. Leah, Dave, and the kids arrived just before that.

Hannah was unable to come but we did lots of FaceTiming with her, even streamed her up on the big screen. Kent is in Peru.

Our house is always filled with chaos, mess and lots of love when the kids are home. The boys were both completely enamored with Uncle Joel.

We did tons and tons of eating, including our traditional orange danish rolls, took turns cooking (genius!), hiked the Konza, looked at the Festival of Lights. And of course, opened gifts and stockings. Leah made Scott a picture of his Mom holding him when he was little.

Some fun moments were Emmet snuggling with me all night in my bed (he came to me scared and when I said I needed to sleep, he said,”but Emmet wants to talk…” then as soon as Scott came to bed, Emmet curled up to him and fell immediately asleep.). I also heard some soft snoring and discovered it wasn’t coming from Rex or Scott, it was Emmet!

Another fun moment was trying to teach Henry to wink.

We had a great play date with a friend of Leah’s and her daughter at the library.

More good food.

Some games.

Naps.