Author: dianegclark

Life is good. I’m very ready for spring but a nap in the sun on the back patio today before clients helped a lot. The cold and snow being stuck inside with the pups was hard.

Scott and I have both received both vaccines. We are still not throwing caution to the wind and still respect that others have not all been vaccinated, but it does take ones anxiety down a bit.

The coffee shop is going well. We are involved in some decisions but no more of the day to day operations. I like to stop in and get coffee or meet friends. Wilson loves to stop in and say hi to everyone but we can’t stay too long with him or he reeks havoc.

The practice is going really well. It is so hard to know how many clients to take in. So many are every other week or once a month or even every six weeks. So its hard to have anyone or myself have a regular schedule. I keep forgetting to take people off until they get a reminder and remind me we changed it. I get new calls all the time and when I have them wait, they don’t respond when its time. So I take them and then they get stacked up again. I have two clients out of state who are potentially returning any time. I have two new clients scheduled on the same day next week.

The new therapists joining me are on hold. One is awaiting his graduation and then will start the licensing and credentialing so it could be awhile. The other is waiting to see what her husband’s military assignments are. I love having Shari come up monthly to do her massages.

I got to see the grand babies yesterday. We drove up to spend a Sunday. Wilson made it very stressful as he got in the mud and scared the boys trying to play with them. Eleanor is adorable and fun. She is so tiny. She makes the funnest sounds. She loves to lay on the floor and wiggle like a worm. I got to hold her quite a bit. It is hard to make her smile with my mask on.

Emmet was in a hard mood a lot of the day. He got super frustrated and upset about the airplane Scott made because at first it didn’t fly and then he had to share it with Henry and be careful with it. Henry was frustrated also because there was only one and it was really delicate. They were tired because they skipped naps and quiet time and were out of their routine. But overall, it was good to see them and spend time with them. Henry is so freaking cute. He talked and talked. He sat up next to me to read the airplane book and watch TV for a long time. Emmet was loving as usual. They are both so sweet with their little bodies and faces and voices and clothes.

Mom is good. She isn’t comfortable going anywhere. She gets her first shot tomorrow. I talk to her every day and go see her once a week or more. I love her so much.

My Dad has been in and out of the hospital 7 times in two months. Mostly breathing problems, one time they thought it was his heart but it wasn’t and last time for back pain. I don’t understand it all. It makes me miss my brother because he’d know what to do.

Its great to get back to working out. I like 9 rounds, its close and fast and a good work out. I don’t think it will be enough to get all the way back in shape. I am so chubby now I can’t even imagine getting back to what I was.

Wilson is getting easier. He and Diego play outside quite a bit. He can entertain himself more. He can obey the commands we work on when we have the clicker and treats in hand but he is naughty often and won’t come when called. I really hope we can get him trained to be a therapy dog. I took him today for a session at the client’s request and he was extremely distracting. I walked him down there and he can heel but not for very long before he jumps and gets under my feet and pulls. He’s very cute though with his long soft fur. He’s loving and affectionate. We work with Mutt school on his training.

Wake up mama, I gotta pee. Oooo but those scratches feel good.. ooo I gotta pee. Oh good, Mama is up. Hurry Mama.

OOo it’s cold out here. What a relief. Need to find the perfect spot….right here, that feels good. Smell the poo. Oh! Mama is calling!

Mama! Good morning! Its so good to see you! Its been 8 hours! Wait, I need a drink of water. Wait Mama! I’ll go with you. Oh, you’re doing your potty.

Help me up, Mama! OOOO I love morning snuggles. My teeth hurt, thank you. Zonk.

Mama, you’ve been asleep a whole 45 minutes! The sun is coming through the windows! We must get up! If I paw your face will you get up? Whine? Bark? Ok! It’s time for breakfast! What are you doing? YOur coffee can wait! I want breakfast!

Thank you. But I want more pets and love before I eat. I’m following you! More love please!

I have so much energy in the morning I can’t stand it! I’m too hyper to eat! Wait! The other dog is awake! Good morning! Let’s play! Let me bite your fur til you like me! Let us out Mama so I can chase him and annoy him completely!

I was wrong, it’s cold out here. Let me in! Bark! BArk!

I want up, on your lap. Put your coffee down. Help me up. My teeth hurt. Why do I need to let go? Oh! My chewy. Thank you. I like chewing my stick on your lap. I love you. I love this stick. I love you. I want down. I’ll take my stick with me.

Mama! The other dog took my stick! Bark! I want my stick! YOu don’t need to growl about it, it’s my stick! I’ll bite your fur! Gimme the stick!

Ok Mama! We’ll go outside! I like chasing and annoying the big dog!

It’s too cold. I’ll curl up in a ball and go to sleep on this chair.

Thank you for letting me in Mama! How long was I asleep? Oh! My breakfast is right here! Yum! I want to eat out of the bowl the big dog is eating. Nope, I want this bowl, nope, I want that bowl.

Mama wait! I can’t be without you!

What are you doing? What’s that? You usually get in the tub and I stick my paws and nose in and drink the water. There’s glass between us! I can’t get the water! What else can I do? Dang, you put the toilet paper up high. I loooove unwinding that. You brought my chew stick in here, nooo, what’s behind the tub? Huh? Coming Mama! But I can’t get in there! Oh, you’re coming out. Let me grab the towel…. I don’t want to drop it! Grrrrr. WAit! There’s water in there! Ooo I like how it squishes my toes. It tastes soapy, I like that.

You’re taking forever getting ready! I’ll lay down. I’m so bored. I don’t think you love me anymore. Let me out. I want see what the other dog is doing.

Oh, good, we can play chase again. And lay in a ball in the chair. I’m sleepy. Yay! I get to go in! Yes! Nap time! What havoc can I reek in here? More love please!

Wilson is now three months old and 27.5 pounds. He is finally getting easier but is still bitey. He goes to day training one day per week and we get private training every other week. Dropping out of Kindergarten was the best decision ever.

Wilson can be left in the bathroom when we need to go somewhere now. He whines some but I think he is quiet in there when we are gone. We leave toys and chewies and put everything away.

Wilson knows how to sit, down, come and leave it. He doesn’t do any of them every time. He loves his click and treat. He will heal for about half of a walk then loses it and jumps and chews the leash. I can now walk through the house without getting my clothes or shoelaces grabbed.

Wilson sleeps on the bed now. He cuddles on and off all night. Not by my body, sometimes by my feet, but by my face. I wake up sometimes and feel his breath on my face.

Wilson and Diego like to play together outside. Diego invites him to. But inside, Wilson still continues to bite at Diego’s fur and it annoys him and us. Sometimes he will “leave it” but not always. They also like to just sit outside on the patio furniture even if it is really cold out.

Wilson behaves really well at the coffee shop. He goes over and sweetly greets people at each table. But he’s a mess at the office. I took him with me to do paperwork last weekend and he ate my plant and took a giant poo in the waiting room. Thankfully it wasn’t ground into the carpet. He ran around and got into mischief then fell asleep in the tiny space under the desk where my feet go. It was adorable.

Wilson is growing about three pounds a week. He looks bigger every morning. He’s going to be huge! Hopefully his obedience will grow faster than he does!

I took a fun trip to KC on Friday to visit Joel and get my tattoo added onto.

I had never taken Wilson so long in the car but he did great! We stopped twice for him to pee on the way there but he slept the entire way home. Joel and I walked him with us to a nearby coffee shop and Wilson greeted everyone there like he does at Brothers. We ordered a yummy latte called an Onyx (honey, vanilla, cinnamon), a breakfast burrito and quiche and a homemade pop tart from a coffee shop called Vested (because its in the garment district). I talked shop with the owner for a bit.

After our yummy meal and a good chat, I left Wilson with Joel. Having Wilson at Joel’s is a challenge as he eats Joel’s house plants ad to use the restroom, it is a 7 floor elevator ride. Wilson barked in the elevator every time. Of course, Wilson made friends with the few residents we saw in the elevator. Joel said he took Wilson for another walk and then sat in a part and people watched for half an hour.

I drove to West Bottoms to a tattoo shop where my Manhattan artist now works. She used to be Freyja at Mash Up and now she’s Emily (her real name) at Timewalker Tattoo.

West Bottoms is interesting. We looked at the outside of a loft apartment building when we were looking for Joel and kept driving. The outside of the buildings look completely drab and non interesting. Friday, the GPS took me on a loop all the way through the shop district of West Bottoms. There were tons of people floating in and out of shops with interesting names. A friend told me that the insides of the shops and loft apartments are fantastic. After seeing the tattoo shop I agree.

I entered a plan looking building on a boring street. Emily came in at the same time and led me up a very long wooden stairway. At the top, we entered a giant floor with brick and broken plaster walls with ornate and creative decor, high ceilings, and so much to look at. We walked around the corner and saw bed after bed with fascinating people getting tattooed by fascinating looking tattoo artists. There was antique furniture, taxidermy animals and reptiles, giant mirrors, and artful objects creatively displayed, everywhere one looked.

Emily and I had a great time chatting as she explored and created the tattoo extension and fitted it to my body. She expanded my arm vine and prairie flower tattoo over my shoulder, crossing over my collar bone in the front, a winter rose on the ball of my shoulder, and eucalyptus across the top of my shoulder in the back, all Leah’s art. I can’t wait to see it without the bloody bandaid and irritation. (I’ll add pics later).

The tattoo hurt. Lying in the chair on my side for 3 1/2 hours was grueling. I tried hard to dissociate but distraction through conversation was the only thing that worked. The gal next to us stayed awhile and chatted after her client left and then Emily and I chatted. I tried using my calm app and took several breaks but the rest of the time, I laid there and did my best to get through it. My stomach was in an uproar of course and my leg had spontaneous spasms on and off no matter what I did.

We finished at 6pm. Joel and I made dinner plans, skipping BBQ as it was going to be a drive to get it and take too long and had Italian ordered in. (I had Parmesan cream linguini and Joel had lasagna and we shared bread, yum).

Joel said Wilson had chilled but he was a bit of a mess while I was there, destroying Joel’s broom and he broke off one of Joel’s plant stems. He had eaten all the food I brought and got bored of looking for scattered treats and doing obedience training to show off for Joel. Joel made him some rice which he didn’t love.

I listened to Mindful Self Compassion training sessions both ways and old time rock and roll to sing when I got bored.

I love Joel’s area and loft and of course I love Joel. Visiting him is fun, fun, fun.

We drove to KC to visit Joel in his cool loft apartment today.

The drive with Wilson went ok.

And it wasn’t insane taking him down 7 floors every time he needed to use the bathroom. He did have one accident and tried to eat ask of Joel’s plants BUT overall it went well.

Joel’s loft is super cool. Inside and out.

We walked a half mile over the interstate to a cool restaurant near the River Market area called Farmhouse to pick up burgers. Wilson walked well with us. On the way home we passed a Thou Mayest coffee shop. And saw the trolley.

Btw i found these in Joel’s kitchen drawer.

He said they are goggles for cutting onions. Made perfect sense to him. Lol.

I could live in a loft like this. Maybe not with a puppy.

Wilson. We love him. He is trying us.

I love so many things about Wilson. His little face. His curly haired floppy ears. The way he runs which is way more like hopping with his ears flapping. His soft fur. His little tummy when he flips over to have it petted.

Wilson loves morning greetings. He has to be petted for a full five minutes before eating or drinking. He loves to be rewarded with a click and treat. I think he loves walks but he gets tired. He loves to curl up in Scott’s arms. He loves to mess with Diego

Diego tolerates Wilson. He may be starting to like him. He invites him out to play in the back yard at least one a day. We are teaching Wilson to stop grabbing Diego’s fur. Yesterday he took a bite and held on and flipped upside down and Diego dragged him several feet. I learned a new trick to get that to stop tonight that I can’t wait to try tomorrow.

Wilson is going to be huge. His paws are enormous. He weighed about ten pounds at six weeks. He has doubled that now at ten weeks.

We forgot what having a new puppy is like. He has slept through a few nights but he usually gets up twice. He goes back into his kennel and goes to sleep well for the most part. He is just starting to get too big for his kennel. We leave him in the bathroom puppy proofed during the day when I’m seeing clients, usually for only three to four hours at a time. He entertains himself with his toys. I was hiring a sitter for him. Once a week he goes to day training at Mutt school. He loves it and learns so much!

We were going to puppy kindergarten but neither one of us could handle it. Puppies everywhere and parents clicking and treating and a gal on the mic giving directions. Wilson yanked on his leash trying to say hi to everyone and wouldn’t do a damn thing I said.- We are going to do private training and day school instead and then rejoin the class for first grade. I guess you could say we are homeschooling him. Ha ha.

Every day Wilson gets better. He is biting far less and having accidents inside less. He is learning to stay on the left side during walks. He always potties when we take him outside. He knows to sit and come and touch his nose to my hand and leave treats in my palm alone and to look up at me.

Wilson is going to be a very loving dog. He’s super social when we go anywhere. He goes table to table and greets everyone at the coffee shop. He follows me when not on the leash. He is beginning to be a let o entertain himself with toys when I’m doing something else.

The plan is to have Wilson pass the certification as a therapy dog. We have a long way to go.

I made the short trek to Newton today to see Leah and the grandbabies. Oh what joy.

Usually the boys run to the door to greet me but today Leah had just given them new name puzzles and was taking pics of them. So i picked up Eleanor and loved on her first. Today she actually looked in my eyes for a really long time. It’s hard to get her to do that because of the masks. Goodness is she beautiful. She has just lost the newborn look, filled out and perfect. She seemed so content.

Highlights of the days were cute things Henry says and Emmet’s sweetness. We also went on a long walk. Henry also snuggled me a little when he woke up sad from his nap.

At lunch, Henry looked at the Teddy Grahams i brought them and put his little arms in the air( and you know they only go about two inches above his head because their heads are still so big at 1 1/2). He said “i di’n’t know! That there are bear cookies!”

Later Henry said, with the same arms up in the air, “I have an idea! My idea is… Let’s play a game!” Then he can’t think of what to play. He did ask me to play specific things later. “Gamma, let’s play trucks!” Which is more advanced even than last visit’s “Gamma, come play me!”

Emmet constantly tells me he loves me and how glad he is i came and gives me tons of hugs. During quiet time he was listing who lives with me and said “Rex doesn’t live there anymore. He lives somewhere else we can’t go.” Then he wiped his little eyes. He told me his mom told him about another dog who lived at his house before he was born. I told him about Professor then we looked at pics of Rex and Professor.

There was lots of running and screaming and “people piles” which i love because it’s basically little boys climbing on me and snuggling me. We played go fish and cars and houses with little people. We played hide and seek almost all day. They are getting better at hiding but it’s usually in plain site. Henry looks so cute with his eyes squeezed shot trying to count. He can’t stay hidden cause it’s too exciting. When i walk in the room and find him he screams at the top of his lungs.

We also turned flipped over my knees. They can turn front and back flips. I taught them to stick the landing then pose. So cute!

When i was leaving, Henry sang me the song from Daniel Tiger “adults come back”. He had just told me he didn’t want me to go. Then he said, “means Gamma will come back.” Emmet and Henry insisted on carrying my stuff to the car when i leave then stand waving goodbye s as i drove off.

I made the short trek to Newton today to see Leah and the grandbabies. Oh what joy.

Usually the boys run to the door to greet me but today Leah had just given them new name puzzles and was taking pics of them. So i picked up Eleanor and loved on her first. Today she actually looked in my eyes for a really long time. It’s hard to get her to do that because of the masks. Goodness is she beautiful. She has just lost the newborn look, filled out and perfect. She seemed so content.

Highlights of the days were cute things Henry says and Emmet’s sweetness. We also went on a long walk. Henry also snuggled me a little when he woke up sad from his nap.

At lunch, Henry looked at the Teddy Grahams i brought them and put his little arms in the air( and you know they only go about two inches above his head because their heads are still so big at 1 1/2). He said “i di’n’t know! That there are bear cookies!”

Later Henry said, with the same arms up in the air, “I have an idea! My idea is… Let’s play a game!” Then he can’t think of what to play. He did ask me to play specific things later. “Gamma, let’s play trucks!” Which is more advanced even than last visit’s “Gamma, come play me!”

Emmet constantly tells me he loves me and how glad he is i came and gives me tons of hugs. During quiet time he was listing who lives with me and said “Rex doesn’t live there anymore. He lives somewhere else we can’t go.” Then he wiped his little eyes. He told me his mom told him about another dog who lived at his house before he was born. I told him about Professor then we looked at pics of Rex and Professor.

There was lots of running and screaming and “people piles” which i love because it’s basically little boys climbing on me and snuggling me. We played go fish and cars and houses with little people. We played hide and seek almost all day. They are getting better at hiding but it’s usually in plain site. Henry looks so cute with his eyes squeezed shot trying to count. He can’t stay hidden cause it’s too exciting. When i walk in the room and find him he screams at the top of his lungs.

We also turned flipped over my knees. They can turn front and back flips. I taught them to stick the landing then pose. So cute!

When i was leaving, Henry sang me the song from Daniel Tiger “adults come back”. He had just told me he didn’t want me to go. Then he said, “means Gamma will come back.” Emmet and Henry insisted on carrying my stuff to the car when i leave then stand waving goodbye s as i drove off.

We got to go see Leah and her family for Christmas yesterday. I was nervous about how it would go with Wilson along but it went fine!

Dave made the most amazing home made pizza and calzones with fancy cheese and deer meat sausage. He cooked for a couple of hours with us gobbling it up as quickly as it came out of the oven.

I got to spend some time with sweet Eleanor who is now 4 months old. I got her to smile and giggle a bunch of times. Her little personality is coming out. She loves to give kisses. She likes watching all that is going on.

I love spending time with the boys but with Papa and uncle Joel along, grandma’s popularity goes to third. Scott made paper airplanes with the boys and Joel played cars. We took the boys and Wilson on a short walk to play soccer in a nearby parking lot. Henry got knocked down twice and would only let uncle Joel comfort him. On the way back, there was a steady drip of water off the roof of a building that Wilson tried to catch with his mouth. It was adorable.

Wilson loves snow. He didn’t potty in their house once. The boys did ok with him but i asked Henry if he likes Wilson and he said “No, i like MY Moose”.

Henry talks a blue streak. I forget he’s only 2 1/2. He wants nothing to do with video chatting so i only really get to talk to him in person.

Emmet and i always get sad when it’s time for me to leave. After i left Leah texted that Emmet said he was going to dream about me last night.

Dec 2017 diagnosed cancer

Jan 2018 cancer surgery

Feb-march 2018 radiation

April 2018 Henry born

May 2018 Retire

June 2018 major surgery

June 2018 Start new job

May 2019 Nonrenewed

July 2019 TRU ends

August 2019 Julie dies

August 2019 Hannah and Kent married

September 2019 Moab

September 2019 personal loss

Jan 2020 Nashville

Feb 2020 Open Ethos

March 2020 COVID quarantine

March 2020 Rex dies

July 2020 Dave dies

August 2020 Coffee shop opens

September 2020 Eleanor born

October 2020 New office space opens

November 2020 I had covid

Like most people, it’s almost impossible to put 2020 into words, to summarize it, to describe its impact on each of us. 2019 was such a year of loss and growth for me. I expected 2020 to be a time of recovery. It was, and along with all the challenges and additional losses came blessings.

2019 came with it the loss of a dream with Midwest Meets Manhattan, the loss of a church family and vision, the regaining of my health, the loss of a job and almost a career, the loss of a very important friendship, the loss of Scott’s mom, almost the loss of our marriage, the loss of who I thought I was. It was absolutely pivotal, life changing,

2020 was supposed to be a time of regrowth, awakening, recovering, healing. That happened but on a very different course than anyone could have imagined.

2020 started with a new hope. Hope in music. Hope in friends. The album came with such mixed emotions. It ended up with tons of money spent, lots of hurt feelings and disillusionment but a beautiful album.

Our marriage was in tatters. The life we had built and were satisfied with was reexamined and came up short. We started marriage therapy, a long, painful process of opening up and tearing down and building up. In March, we went on a trip to Hawaii to renew our relationship. It was a time of reckoning and decisions and a huge move forward.

Then Covid hit. We geared up for a crisis, gathered our courage and our resources, quarantined, learned how to take precautions. Three of our five kids came home to quarantine with us and we loved it.

Then it continued. Slowly, Covid wore us down. It took so much from us. Hugs, smiles, gatherings, belonging, community. We pieced together ways to meet on zoom, facetime, messenger. It worked for awhile. We worked out from home, wore masks, washed our hands. We made sacrifices. We looked at all the positives and tried to sort out what we would keep.

Then it continued. I watched my fitness level that I had worked so hard to achieve slowly slip away and the pounds added up. It started to divide our family as we each tried to decide what was safe and acceptable for us. We all became tired of zoom and facetime.

Leah was pregnant during all of this time. I tried to go help her as much as I could but it was hard to be safe.

I started practicing therapy again. I set out to open a practice and even with covid, I did it. I started by telehealth from home. I got my feet back under me. The long awaited space wasn’t ready so I improvised and moved into a temporary space and built up to a dozen clients.

In March, our best pet Rex died 15 minutes into his 18th year of life. I always prepared to completely fall apart when he died but I didn’t. It happened all as it was supposed to. We celebrated his birthday and he sat and watched TV with us then I held him as he took his last breaths.

In May, Hannah graduated with a doctorate degree in Physical Therapy. An amazing feat and end to long years of doubt and hard work and success came to be with very little fanfare due to the pandemic. Proud parents celebrated in our hearts.

We continued to limit socialization, to meet by video growing tired of this quickly. Covid wore us down more.

Then In late July, a call from my sister in law that my brother had died falling to his death in his barn. It was and continues to be unimaginable. A celebration of life in masks that literally risked all of our health took place, pared down from what he would have deserved. More grief, more loss, more to heal.

In August, the opportunity to open a coffee shop dropped in our laps. We said then and we still believe, it was either going to be the worst or the best decision of our lives. The jury is still out on the financial end but the coffee shop itself is a huge success. It brought back some semblance of socialization.

Eleanor was born in September. We quarantined and were able to go spend time with the kids and get the new family settled in. What a precious addition to our family. Such a blessing. I am so impressed with how hard Leah has worked to keep her family safe. And how she has taken on a third child in such a small house with hardly a blip. Covid has taken away opportunities to spend a lot of time with Eleanor and Emmet and Henry but makes the visits that much more special when they do happen.

In October, I moved into my new permanent office space. It is so comfortable and cozy yet professional, more than I could have imagined. Shari and Dave were not able to start due to the pandemic and coffee shop but I forged on by myself. I filled with clients quickly and felt purposed and fulfilled again.

Also in October, Joel moved to Kansas City from LA. We love having him closer. He quarantines there so we can see him fairly frequently. All three kids are within 7 hours drive now.

The elections of 2020 saw the end of an era of insanity in our country with a narcissistic President. Hopefully Joe Biden can get us back on track.

In November of 2020, fittingly, I got Covid. It wasn’t horrible but it certainly wasn’t fun. It robbed us of Thanksgiving even though the plan was for it to be small. I am still battling the leftover symptoms.

Then came Christmas 2020. We drove to Denver to visit Hannah and Kent, see their new house and take them their new puppy Oscar. Because Hannah works with covid patients, we were unable to have Leah and her family for Christmas so the day was quiet and special, with Christmas Eve and Day spent with us, Joel, and Mom.

Puppy Wilson joined our family in December 2020. His name is significant because he dropped into our lives on the most discouraging day of isolation with covid just after I posted a picture of the volleyball from the movie Castaway that Tom Hanks named Wilson.

2021 needs to be a year of healing and recovery. For our marriage, our family, our faith, our country. Covid be damned. Let the celebration begin.