Author: dianegclark

Dec 2017 diagnosed cancer

Jan 2018 cancer surgery

Feb-march 2018 radiation

April 2018 Henry born

May 2018 Retire

June 2018 major surgery

June 2018 Start new job

May 2019 Nonrenewed

July 2019 TRU ends

August 2019 Julie dies

August 2019 Hannah and Kent married

September 2019 Moab

September 2019 personal loss

Jan 2020 Nashville

Feb 2020 Open Ethos

March 2020 COVID quarantine

March 2020 Rex dies

July 2020 Dave dies

August 2020 Coffee shop opens

September 2020 Eleanor born

October 2020 New office space opens

November 2020 I had covid

Like most people, it’s almost impossible to put 2020 into words, to summarize it, to describe its impact on each of us. 2019 was such a year of loss and growth for me. I expected 2020 to be a time of recovery. It was, and along with all the challenges and additional losses came blessings.

2019 came with it the loss of a dream with Midwest Meets Manhattan, the loss of a church family and vision, the regaining of my health, the loss of a job and almost a career, the loss of a very important friendship, the loss of Scott’s mom, almost the loss of our marriage, the loss of who I thought I was. It was absolutely pivotal, life changing,

2020 was supposed to be a time of regrowth, awakening, recovering, healing. That happened but on a very different course than anyone could have imagined.

2020 started with a new hope. Hope in music. Hope in friends. The album came with such mixed emotions. It ended up with tons of money spent, lots of hurt feelings and disillusionment but a beautiful album.

Our marriage was in tatters. The life we had built and were satisfied with was reexamined and came up short. We started marriage therapy, a long, painful process of opening up and tearing down and building up. In March, we went on a trip to Hawaii to renew our relationship. It was a time of reckoning and decisions and a huge move forward.

Then Covid hit. We geared up for a crisis, gathered our courage and our resources, quarantined, learned how to take precautions. Three of our five kids came home to quarantine with us and we loved it.

Then it continued. Slowly, Covid wore us down. It took so much from us. Hugs, smiles, gatherings, belonging, community. We pieced together ways to meet on zoom, facetime, messenger. It worked for awhile. We worked out from home, wore masks, washed our hands. We made sacrifices. We looked at all the positives and tried to sort out what we would keep.

Then it continued. I watched my fitness level that I had worked so hard to achieve slowly slip away and the pounds added up. It started to divide our family as we each tried to decide what was safe and acceptable for us. We all became tired of zoom and facetime.

Leah was pregnant during all of this time. I tried to go help her as much as I could but it was hard to be safe.

I started practicing therapy again. I set out to open a practice and even with covid, I did it. I started by telehealth from home. I got my feet back under me. The long awaited space wasn’t ready so I improvised and moved into a temporary space and built up to a dozen clients.

In March, our best pet Rex died 15 minutes into his 18th year of life. I always prepared to completely fall apart when he died but I didn’t. It happened all as it was supposed to. We celebrated his birthday and he sat and watched TV with us then I held him as he took his last breaths.

In May, Hannah graduated with a doctorate degree in Physical Therapy. An amazing feat and end to long years of doubt and hard work and success came to be with very little fanfare due to the pandemic. Proud parents celebrated in our hearts.

We continued to limit socialization, to meet by video growing tired of this quickly. Covid wore us down more.

Then In late July, a call from my sister in law that my brother had died falling to his death in his barn. It was and continues to be unimaginable. A celebration of life in masks that literally risked all of our health took place, pared down from what he would have deserved. More grief, more loss, more to heal.

In August, the opportunity to open a coffee shop dropped in our laps. We said then and we still believe, it was either going to be the worst or the best decision of our lives. The jury is still out on the financial end but the coffee shop itself is a huge success. It brought back some semblance of socialization.

Eleanor was born in September. We quarantined and were able to go spend time with the kids and get the new family settled in. What a precious addition to our family. Such a blessing. I am so impressed with how hard Leah has worked to keep her family safe. And how she has taken on a third child in such a small house with hardly a blip. Covid has taken away opportunities to spend a lot of time with Eleanor and Emmet and Henry but makes the visits that much more special when they do happen.

In October, I moved into my new permanent office space. It is so comfortable and cozy yet professional, more than I could have imagined. Shari and Dave were not able to start due to the pandemic and coffee shop but I forged on by myself. I filled with clients quickly and felt purposed and fulfilled again.

Also in October, Joel moved to Kansas City from LA. We love having him closer. He quarantines there so we can see him fairly frequently. All three kids are within 7 hours drive now.

The elections of 2020 saw the end of an era of insanity in our country with a narcissistic President. Hopefully Joe Biden can get us back on track.

In November of 2020, fittingly, I got Covid. It wasn’t horrible but it certainly wasn’t fun. It robbed us of Thanksgiving even though the plan was for it to be small. I am still battling the leftover symptoms.

Then came Christmas 2020. We drove to Denver to visit Hannah and Kent, see their new house and take them their new puppy Oscar. Because Hannah works with covid patients, we were unable to have Leah and her family for Christmas so the day was quiet and special, with Christmas Eve and Day spent with us, Joel, and Mom.

Puppy Wilson joined our family in December 2020. His name is significant because he dropped into our lives on the most discouraging day of isolation with covid just after I posted a picture of the volleyball from the movie Castaway that Tom Hanks named Wilson.

2021 needs to be a year of healing and recovery. For our marriage, our family, our faith, our country. Covid be damned. Let the celebration begin.

Joel came up yesterday at noon. We made sugar cookies and pigged out on them.

We played ping pong and had Mom over and exchanged gifts and ate tacos. We sang carols around the piano loudly and obnoxiously then drove around and looked at the lights.

Of course, lots of puppy love and play.

Scott made a nice fire in the fireplace.

I went to bed early and praise God Wilson slept better in the kennel on the floor. He got up early but I lowered my expectations and just let him play.

I made a new recipe for our Christmas morning orange danish rolls. They were delish and I will improve on them next year. Orange danish rolls are a long time Christmas tradition in the Clark home but we usually have them from a can. These were plain biscuits rolled in orange juice concentrate then cinnamon sugar with powdered sugar icing. I put orange juice concentrate in the icing also and I’ll leave it out next year.

Had Mom over again and made a traditional Thanksgiving meal since we didn’t have Thanksgiving.

We saw Hannah and Kent last weekend and hope to see Leah and her whole family in a week or two. I was initially disappointed but with a new puppy, I think spreading out the chaos and joy might make for a better holiday after all.

We brought Wilson home Sunday night. It is now Christmas Eve. I am completely overwhelmed.

I am overwhelmed with love. He is so precious, snuggly and sweet. He gazes up at me with such love in his tiny little eyes. He lays his nose on my shoulder or nuzzles up to my chest when I hold him. He pounces when he plays and lopes around the yard following me. I love his soft fur, his fat tummy, the curly hair on his ears, his giant paws, his wagging tail, his sweet face.

I am overwhelmed with the amount of care he needs. I had forgotten how much work puppies are. More work than newborn babies in some ways. I did newborn way easier than I am doing Wilson. Maybe its because I’m older. And Wilson doesn’t wear diapers and has very sharp teeth and claws. I have had my nose and lip ripped open and my hands are covered with scratches and bite marks despite all we are doing to teach him not to bite.

He knows to go potty outside and we take him out every half hour he’s awake and every two hours he’s asleep but he gives about a split second warning that he has to go when indoors, like, whine, pee, or whine, squat to poo.

This morning after the 5th night of getting up every two hours to take him outside when we got up at 7:30 am BC—before coffee, we were outside, Diego watching from the patio. I was just standing completely frustrated as Wilson pulled on my pajama pants and then my robe. I swear Diego looked at my face and took pity on me by coming down to play with Wilson awhile. He is very patient as his nose is scratched and bitten up too.

We came in and i put Wilson in his kennel on the bed next to me for naptime, about 8:15. Wilson napped and I tried, but he whined and changed positions and harrumphed himself down about every minute and a half.

I then sat in my quiet time chair trying to drink my coffee while Wilson wanted up then down, tried to chew cords, ignored his toys, tried to figure out ways to get past the blockades, tried to play with Diego who usually lays at my feet. Forget quite time.

I was near tears when my knight in shining armor woke up and came in. Scott hugged me and took Wilson so I could eat breakfast and do about 10 minutes of reflection, gratitude, etc.

I took Wilson back and had him with me for my morning bath. He whined and came over and put his paws up on the tub so he could see me (adorable) and licked the water off my fingers then plunked himself down for a nap. What’s a girl to do? I filled the tub up the rest of the way and took a nap in the tub til I was pruny.

Mid morning and afternoons are mellower. He eats and drinks and potties and thank God, naps some. I have been going in to the office this week to see clients in the afternoons. My grand plan was to have Wilson quietly napping in the kennel during sessions. I am a dreamer. Scott has been off this week and has watched Wilson. I am so grateful for how into this Scott has been when it was totally my idea to get a puppy. He loves Wilson. He said to me, “It’s so much better to have a puppy when we are older and more patient.” Huh. I’m back on my anxiety meds lol.

Evenings are a bit better. Wilson is mellow in the evenings. He naps and chews his toys and snuggles on the couch taking turns on our laps or between us. Late in the evening we take him out to the yard to chase us around to get him tired or we put him in a backpack and go for a walk. We let him chase us through the park. Then its off to bed where he sleeps for two hours at a time then snuggles and goes back to sleep after going potty.

I think we will survive and he will turn out to be a wonderful family addition and hopefully therapy dog. I am enrolling him in puppy school today.

Don’t worry, I won’t write every single days about Wilson

I picked up Wilson after a very long drive home from Denver. We had decided that Scott would come home and greet Diego so I made the trek out to Frankfurt alone.

It was dark when I arrived. Wilson was in the house so he said a quick goodby to his Mama and his first family then we got in the car. He was so incredibly snuggly that I held him and drove with one hand for abut 15 minutes then decided that was not safe and put him n the kennel next to me. He was quiet and. Had my hand on him the whole way home.

Diego did not know what to think. He wouldn’t come near Wilson who clearly made him nervous. He wouldn’t come near me when I had Wilson in my arms and didn’t’ want a lot to do with me after smelling me.

We let Wilson explore some and drink some water. He peed outside every time I took him out but also peed inside.

We went to bed fairly early, a nap at 8:30 then lights out at 10. Wilson woke up and whined every two hours. He peed right away when I took him outside then pretty much went back to sleep when I put him in his kennel, but I had to keep my hand in there until he fell asleep.

This morning was tricky. It is very much like having a new baby in the house. It is tricky to know how to fix breakfast and eat, bathe, etc. Wilson is very young at 6 weeks and needy and unsure. He snuggles up so close to me, his head on me when I lift him. He stays close to my feet.

I let Wilson run around the yard this morning after breakfast and a poop. Diego was out. They sniffed and both were extremely nervous and cautious. Wilson kept getting under Diego searching for teets. Diego was also quite confused as to what he was doing. Wilson then got under the chair and Diego ran around wanting Wilson to play. I picked him up worried Diego would be too aggressive.

It is hard not to compare Wilson to Oscar, the 8 week old labradoodle we took to Denver to Hannah and Kent and spent the weekend with. Oscar is very much more adjusted, less whiny, less need to chew everything. Clearly two weeks makes a huge difference.

As much as Wilson likes his new kennel, he also likes exploring and running around the yard and being held. Why do fingers and apolstry and blankets satisfy teething puppies more than chew toys?

Wilson napped right around time for bath so that was helped. Packed up for the day and took Wilson to the coffee shop to meet Dave. He said hello to a couple of customers while I was in the restroom.

We went to the practice and hung out in the grass in the back. I wanted my first client to meet him and then Scott came and got him for the rest of the day.

Tonight we went for a walk in the park with Wilson in my coat for most of the way but we let him run in the grass following us for quite a while. I am hoping he sleeps better tonight.

I happen to know that Scott loves him too. I knew he would.

I picked up Hannah and Kent’s new puppy Oscar yesterday late morning. I put him in a laundry basket and immediately went back to the house to get the kennel. He threw up in the way to jc to pick up Scott but once in the road he was perfect.

We stopped twice. Oscar peed in the grass right when we put him down. In the car, he preferred the kennel, when awake he put his nose out to watch us and when asleep, he made a nest out of the towel and slept hard. It couldn’t have been easier.

Hannah and Kent love little Oscar so much. Sierra the husky not so much. It was calm except one moment so they have a challenge ahead to keep them separate.

We had a wonderful weekend playing ping pong, eating, sleeping and puppy snuggling. We took the pups on a walk at a park in the snow.

It was our first time seeing Hannah and Kent’s house. It’s wonderful. It’s quaint and comfortable with a big rec room in the basement.

It’s aways good to spend time with family. Seven hours isn’t that terribly long of a drive. I will miss little Oscar but I’m ready to pick up Wilson today.

Yesterday we visited Wilson and today we met Hannah and Kent’s puppy and the puppy’s Mom Luna.

Wilson lives in Frankfurt Ks with his eight brothers and sisters and his Mama Dally. When we arrived, Kendra had her kids go out to the garage to get a few of the puppies. We played with them on the floor. Scott met Wilson for the first time. He bonded more with Dally who is sweet and affectionate.

Wilson is still all about nursing. He was fixated on getting to his Mama and latching on. She never did sit down but he went at it anyway. One of his siblings also nursed but just for awhile. Wilson wanted to the whole time. It does make we worry that we are taking him away too early. All but one of the puppies will go home this next weekend. They will be six weeks old.

I bought a crate, food, a harness and leash, toys, chew toys and a bed for Wilson. We will train him by crate. He will sleep in his crate next to me in the bed. He’s going to be a lot of work. I will take him out to pee every half hour that he is awake and get him out of his crate every hour. He will go wherever I go. When I see clients, he will be in his kennel either in the back room if he is Whitney or next to me if he is quiet and doesn’t disrupt. I will socialize him at Homestead and in the coffee shop.

I know that Diego will do fine with Wilson. He was gentle with Rex when Rex got too old to play. Wilson will be closer to Diego’s size when he is grown.

Wilson is considered an F1 Golden Doodle or a first generation doodle. HIs mom is full golden and his dad is a full standard poodle.

Today I went over to our friend Aja and Bo’s house to meet Oscar, Hannah and Kent’s new labradoodle. He is a second generation labradoodle meaning both of his parents are labradoodles. Oscar is 7 weeks old. We will pick him up on friday and drive him to Denver to meet Hannah and Kent.

Oscar was super calm. His Mama, Luna, was frisky. Oscar snuggled my neck then laid on my lap. WhenI stretched out my legs, he laid his head on my legs. His Mama tried everything to get him to play and he did not want to. He’s going to be a calm puppy.

Next weekend is going to be full of puppy joy.

I met Wilson today. I am so in love.

Wilson is a 4 week old golden doodle puppy. He lives with his mother, Dally, a full golden retriever and his 8 brothers and sisters in a family’s garage in Frankfurt Kansas. He currently belongs to Kendra and Rex Michaelis but he now knows that I’m his mommy.

I had gotten three pics of Wilson before today. I spent the afternoon playing with him and cuddling him in the garage and then on the lawn and getting to know his Mama and his owner.

Dally is a six year old sweet, friendly golden. She came up for lots of love and attention and enjoyed being scrached and loved on. She was calm the whole time and obedient to her owner. She apparenlty can tell when her little 4 year old owner is goiog to have a seizure and nudges her to lie down. No one taught her this. Dally is not a large golden, she weighs about 50 pounds. Apparently, Wilson’s father is a standard poodle.

Wilson had a sweet disposition. Some of his brothers and sisters were whiny and less snuggly. Some were more aggressive and playful. Wilson was the biggest glutton. He got IN the food dish and pushed his way first to his mama’s teets when they were available even though they are apparently nonproductive. He snuggled my face and by the end of the day, kept coming back to me. I caught him watching me at one point, too. He nibbled on me a couple of times but wasn’t as nibbly and some of his siblings. I think he’s going to have a wonderful disposition for a pet and hopefully a therapy dog.

Wilson’s owners are experienced breeders but more importantly, they are dog lovers. They don’t do this just for the money. There were three dogs running around, an adorable 4 month Shih Tzu mix and a poodle. Kendra talked about several other dogs they own between the house and the farm.

I spent three hours with Wilson and it was sad to leave. It will be hard not to want to make the trip again to see him before I bring him home in 16 days.

Several years ago I met a miniature golden doodle and fell in love. It was so cuddly and sweet. I knew that when Rex died, I wanted one. They are incredibly hard to find.

Several months ago, I met Obi.

Obi is a Golden Retriever who belongs to my friend Olivia. He has the perfect disposition to be a therapy dog and she has him in training.

So I started the hunt for a Golden. I ran into scams and probably less than reputable breeders. I checked into rescues all over the country.

Just about giving up, I decided to check into KSDS. Apparently I can request a Golden. So I applied, was accepted, and was told the wait is at least 3 years.

A week ago, I saw a post from a friend who has chocolate labradoodle puppies. Thor comes available Dec 20. Labradoodles are big but cute. I talked with her and she said the parents are calm and Thor is a runt. I put a deposit down on him.

Hannah was envious. She said she and Kent are ready for a puppy and are wanting a labradoodle. The price was amazing. I told her I would meet him and decide.

Meanwhile, I made a pro and con list and decided that if it isn’t a Golden, I don’t want to work that hard. I called Hannah and said the dog is hers. She was thrilled.

That night I ran across a Golden for sale about an hour away. I messaged them and they wanted a deposit. I didn’t put a deposit down but said I’d check back when I’m free from covid isolation.

Yesterday morning I woke up to a text saying the puppies had all been placed. I cried a little. I guessed it wasn’t to be.

Later yesterday, someone posted looking for retriever or lab pups. ONe gal responded with this pic:

I messaged her immediately and she messaged back. Its a boy. He lives 30 minutes away and she wants only $900. I gave her my number.

When we spoke, I knew this is the one. He is a golden doodle. His mom is a calm, sweet golden and his dad is a golden doodle. He is available to go home Dec 20. She said that her daughter has seizures and the mama golden can sense them without any training. I put the deposit down right away.

I’m going to potty train him and then we will enroll in puppy kindergarten in Mutt school. It won’t be cheap or easy.

I’ve started listing possible names. Dexter. Wilson. Theo and call him Ted. Joe. Bear. Alfred. Oliver. Griff. Wally.

The time is going so slowly to meet him. I already love him so much.

Birthdays are a big deal to Adelle. Shame starts talking about it and inviting people 11 months ahead. Every year we have done something special, bowling, Pizza Hut, parties. We used to invite one friend and then we invited our church family. The last few years we have had a huge shindig at Pizza Ranch with cake and presents and 30-40 people.

Covid has been hard on Adelle. I stopped getting her weekly but she has continued to go to church weeekly with Kailee. She lost her job. She finally went back to the gym and it has become her life. Special Olympics has tried to do things but is limited. She takes the ATA bus and is besties with all the drivers.

Yesterday for her birthday, I wanted to do something special. So I organized a birthday parade.

The original plan was to have it here at my house. I was going to have her over for pizza and ice cream and Mountain Dew then take her outside and have a giant card in the yard and heave peoeple drive by. With covid, I moved it to her house.

AT lunchtime, I ordered a big cheese pizza, Cinnabon’s, and of rain dew to be delivered to her house.

Amanda put up the giant card. It was big and sparkly and pink.

The parade started with the Fire Department. A fire truck went by with lights on and they yelled Happy Birthday. For the next hour, about 25 cars went by one by one, one with kids and signs in the back of a pick up, many who dropped off gifts, all who yelled Happy Birthday and waved.

Adelle’s and my amazing friends Kailee and Jensrick Altman hung out in the cold for the entire hour with Adelle and videotaped it, mostly so i could join. We went facebook live and she had tons and tons of views and comments.

Adelle is so very loved. Thank you to everyone who made her birtdahy special again this year.

I’m the one who wears her mask and stands off to the side of parties to reduce the risk of covid to others. I’m the one who doesn’t attend group exercise at the gym and when I’ve tried it, I wear the mask except while working out and sanitize the crap off of everything. I’m the one who put her 9 rounds membership on hold because the space is just too small for safety. I’m the one who doesn’t go to meetings or events that aren’t socially distanced. I’m the one who tells my friend to put on his mask correctly. I’m the one whose three month old granddaughter has never seen her grandma’s whole face because of the mask and only looked in her eyes once. I’m the one who has only seen her grandkids a handful of times since covid. I’m the one who has grieved for her brother without the comfort of family gatherings. I’m the one who isn’t having Thanksgiving this year.

But.

I’m the one who does go to the gym at lesser crowded times. I am the one who continues to have coffee dates with friends in person. I’m th one who gets her hair cut and nails done in the salon. I’m the one who can’t resist a hug from a friend I haven’t seen in awhile. I’m the one who asks clients to take off their masks so I can see their faces during sessions and I take mine off too if they say ok (even though I do have an MP 13 filter and we sit 6 feet apart diagonally). I’m the one who continues to have couples over from time to time because I miss them terribly. I’m the one who runs a support group in person even though we meet outside whenever possible and mask up if someone has had a close call.). I’m the one who has been to church in person twice in the last 6 weeks (masked and distanced except for hugs).

Now? I’m the one with covid.