Author: dianegclark

Every blogger who lives in this area has written about the Konza. This morning I woke up and it was such a beautiful, sunny, coolish morning, I decided to hike the Konza alone for the second time ever. I have hiked the trail with Scott and the kids and others many times, but only twice now alone. I like it. When I walk it with Scott, I mostly listen. We often walk in silence. Sometimes I stay present and try to listen and feel, the birds, the trees rustling, the breeze, the gurgling creek, the tree frogs or locusts or whatever makes that racket up in the trees. Other times I go places in my mind, reflect, daydream, or let my busy mind work shit out. Not too long ago I hiked it with a friend and I babbled the whole time. Must have needed to.

Today I stayed present on the hike for the most part. There was a lovely breeze when I started and then my skin became clammy and sweat ran down my back. I enjoyed the quiet and the view. Then my mind drifted off and I wrote these blog posts in my head. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

We have neglected Scott’s 80 year old mama, Julie, living over there in her apartment in Topeka. Now we are making up for it.

Julie had a bad fall at Dillons over two years ago. She shattered her kneecap and shoulder socket. The rehab was hard and left her with a limp and afib. But it didn’t keep her down. She continued to live on her own and drive to the mall every day to walk over two miles.

Two weeks ago, she fell again in her kitchen while doing the dishes. She was unable to get up and called her sister. The ambulance took her to St Francis where she was x rayed, determined nothing was broken and sent home.

Shari stayed with Julie for two days and nights. She seemed fine other than saying her hips/bottom hurt. The third night, Shari slept at home. When she went back in the morning, she found Julie unresponsive in a pool of vomit. (This was NOT your fault, Shari, in any way, I know you think so). Julie was again taken by ambulance to the hospital where it was determined she had a massive brain bleed and was then air lifted to KU med center.

We spent two days and nights in the neuro ICU in the nice part of KU med. The room was amazing, the services to visitors stellar, and the nurses were so caring and helpful. They even braided Julie’s hair!

Julie had a breathing tube in and a catheter, Iv’s and a feeding tube but could squeeze both hands and move all her limbs and answer questions with a yes or no nod. It was determined that her lower sacrum had two tiny breaks. Scott and I stayed the first night overnight in the room.

After two days, Julie was moved to the surgical ICU in the older part of the hospital. The accommodations were much different, one bathroom all the way down the hall for all of the staff and visitors, no way to get ice or coffee on the floor, only a recliner to sleep in, and little privacy for Julie or the other patients, some only had curtains for walls. But the nurses were still very, very nice and helpful.

Julie has made very slow progress. She got the breathing tube removed which allowed her to talk but not swallow at first but eventually, she has regained the ability to swallow. She can sit up and stand with lots of assistance and can weight bear to transfer, again with lots of assistance. Her blood pressure has been all over the place and she remains in afib.

After 10 days, Julie is still confused. She can tell us what she needs and what hurts if she’s in pain. She knows her full name and birthday and most days recognizes Scott and Shari and I. She doesn’t know the year or where she is or what happened. She has moments of incredible clarity where she remembers who people are on facebook and asks really good questions. She says the sweetest, funniest things. She talks about going to church, Christmas, going to games. One day, Shari told Julie that Scott was on his way to come see her. She asked, “Why’s he gonna do that?” Shari told her, “To see you.” She said, “Hallelujah, I like that.” For a couple days she was sure it was June 1980 but she gives a different month and year every time she’s asked (for the first 4 days they asked her every hour on the hour and told her the right answers). When Shari played EArth Wind and Fire, Julie said they needed to go to Stormont Vail because they had a singles dance there. She told us that she was getting married that weekend. Once, they asked her who the president was and she said, “tell me who.” Shari told her “Donald Trump”. She said, “No seriously, who is the President” and then laughed and laughed when Shari told her. Once she told us she was waiting to get picked up for dinner. She told me that she put her shoes on one morning and drove to a game. She told Shari that she had 4 kids and their names were, “Scott, Diane, Hannah, Leah and Joel.” (My family). Then she said their names were “Julie, Peggy, Deanne and Jackie.” (She and her sisters). Yesterday she thought Shari was her mom and they were at the post office. One day she pushed on a stuffed animal to try turn the tv on.

But every day, she’s been pleasant, happy and funny. She tells the nurses thank you. She doesn’t complain unless something hurts bad. I only hope that if something like this ever happens to me, sweet, kind things come out of my mouth, too.

I have driven to KU med three times now and spent three nights in the recliner in ICU. Scott has been up twice and plans a third turn this weekend. Shari has taken the brunt of this and has spent most of the 10 days there by herself with Julie. Max (Shari’s son) and Peggy (Julie’s sister) have helped where they could. Others have visited. Its hard to be up there.

Today Julie started eating puréed fruit and yogurt. She was transferred to a regular room on the 5th floor. The doctors plan to drill holes in her skull and drain the blood out on Thursday. We are hopeful that this will work. Either way, Julie will transfer next to a rehab hospital and we are working on that being in Topeka.

We don’t know the future but we know that God is good and he holds Julie in His hands.

‘The kids all came home for a super quick, fun weekend to celebrate Hannah and Kent’s upcoming wedding with the Kansas folks. The turn out wasn’t what we expected but we were very happy for everyone who came and the weekend was fun and special. We love our kids so much.

Leah and Dave arrived first on Friday afternoon, with the boys and Moose. We played inside and outside and ordered pizza. Joel arrived in his rental car from the airport around 6:30. We ate even more pizza! It is fun to watch Joel interact with the boys. I went to bed, then Joel and Scott drove to Salina to pick up Hannah and Kent.

Emmet slept in my room on his little mattress on the floor. He crawled up into my bed and arms and we petted Rex together and got up to make coffee and cinnamon rolls. The others all got up and we had breakfast together then packed up and headed out to Lake Wabaunsee for the day!

Emmet loved the lake and Henry did ok too. We all played in the water a long time and then ate lunch up on the patio. I headed back early to begin getting ready for the party.

When will I figure out how much food is too much? We always get at least three times as much food as we need. But it was fun. While Scott and I sang our songs, Hannah and Kent came down to the patio and danced.

Shari and Emily came! I haven’t seen Emily in a very long time. Some of our Bible study friends came and Pam and Allie came. Other than that it was the grandparents and Dave!

It was a very special visit and time together. We are so happy for Hannah and Kent.

June 2, Scott and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage. That feels so strange to me. We are growing old together.

Scott and I met in a philosophy class at K-State. I was 21, Scott was 22. I thought he was older. I only dated older guys. He was already a fire fighter. I thought he was gorgeous. I remember glancing at his strong, hairy forearms as he sat next to me in class taking notes. And passing me notes. He borrowed my class notes when he was on shift at the FD and then got better grades on his papers.

I was dating someone else and had been for a year. It was serious but our relationship was beginning to unravel. Scott and I became friends. He walked me home from class and called to ask about class things but we ended up talking for hours. One night when I was upset with my boyfriend, Scott said he had his fire department friends over to his mom’s house for chili and did I want to come? I said yes. While over there, I overheard his mom talking to her friend who had asked her who I was. Julie answered, “That’s the girl Scott is in love with but she’s dating someone else.”. Oh-oh. I hadn’t had a clue. I asked Scott about it on the way home and he confirmed it. So we stopped being friends for awhile.

I broke up with the guy shortly after and went to Mexico for 6 weeks with my Mom on student exchange. All I could think about was Scott. When I got back to town, I searched all over for him and found him bartending at a club in Aggieville. I made my interest known and he said he was dating someone else!

Scott broke up with that girl shortly after and found me again. I was back in party/fun mode so he had to pursue me again. This time I let him catch me.

Scott and I had so much in common right from the start. We had similar family histories. We had both had really bad experiences with prior relationships. And we had both accepted Christ and had no real idea what that meant for us. We were both heavy partiers in high school and continued to drink while dating and for awhile in our early marriage. But we started dating and fell in love hard. He was (and still is) such a great kisser! We were engaged by December and married by June, on my 22nd birthday.

Scott and I were basically babies when we married and we grew up together. We graduated college and he helped me get my Master’s degree. We started attending church and grew in our faith. We stopped drinking. We went through hard times, losing several pregnancies. We adjusted to his schedule, 24 hour shifts, three days on and off followed by 4 days off. We were both pretty independent and so it worked. I took him meals at the fire department and went on ice cream runs for the guys but when I was mad at him, I would take him a can of ravioli and he caught a lot of shit from the other guys. We moved 5 times the first 5 years, starting with a tiny two room apartment and then duplexes and other rentals.

Then we bought a beautiful house that we still live in and were blessed with the birth of our kids, filling up the house and making it a home.

We had such a great time raising the kids. We parented well together. We love our extended family, our in laws, our siblings, etc. We were both blessed with awesome careers that we loved. We divided up the chores and supported one another. We grew in our faith, went on missions trips, attended church faithfully.

Scott is an amazing man. He has taken such great care of us over the years, working hard, sacrificing, leading, managing our finances, putting up with me. Trust me, it takes a very strong, confident (and patient) man to handle me.

Yes, there were hard times, ups and downs. One particular time when the kids were older and we were so so so busy, we had grown apart and let a number of issues build up to a dangerous level in our marriage. God woke me up one night and I made a list. I took Scott the list and he categorically disagreed with every one of them. I explained that I wanted our marriage but these things needed to change. He took that list and one by one, made all the changes. I have so much respect and appreciation for him because of this.

Scott and I are best friends. We are completely transparent, accepting and trusting of one another. We both know without one doubt that the other has our backs and that the other is 100% committed and faithful. We have so much fun together, singing in the car, singing on the worship team, going for walks and hikes, playing catch in the back yard, grand-parenting, watching Netflix.

We balance one another in the areas where we differ (spender/saver, early/late, tasks oriented/procrastinator, risk taker/thinker, impulsive/responsible, emotional/rational…) We have come to appreciate our differences and use them to make each other and life better.

I won’t go into the personal things that also make our relationship super fun and special, because this is a public blog, so you’re just gonna have to wonder. But yeah, that’s pretty amazing too. The attraction has never ever waned.

I am so thankful for my husband and for every moment of our 35 years. Here’s to many many more!

Sometimes it becomes necessary to just get completely away from everyone and everything. I am doing that yesterday and today. A time to regroup, to heal, to pray, to figure out how to move forward.

The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. Not being able to talk about it, hard also, as everyone knows I am an open book, a public processor. Guess that is one thing I have learned through this. Trust must be earned, not given. Going through a difficulty in life shows me who loves me and values me as I am.

I am and have always been a person open to learning and making personal changes in who I am. I guess some lessons we learn the easy way, through the support of friends, and some lessons we learn the hard way.

It is so hard to find the balance, of trusting and being open versus who not to be vulnerable with and not trust. How to love without letting people hurt you. Then when they do, how to forgive. I think Jesus had it right when he said to be as shrewd as a snake and gentle as a dove. He also said, forgive them, they know not what they do. I’m working on it.

I am in a grieving process. Grief is never easy. I have a lot more grieving ahead in the next few years, with my Mom and Dad and precious puppy growing older by the day. I’ve had a lot of loss in my life. Babies, clients, family members, leaving schools, careers, friends and loved ones who leave. But this one, with no warning and no choice, has been particularly hard.

I never really took a semi retirement as I had planned. Guess I need to. Guess I’m going to. So I go back and look at the retirement goals I set when I first retired that I’ve lost track of. To prioritize rest and balance. To be there for people in a deeper, more meaningful way. To be fully present in each moment and follow Him in the next.

I’m following, Lord. Where ya going?

Sam and I went to Wichita for the weekend to get away and write. We had so much fun! I left Friday afternoon for ElDorado, toured Sam’s new house that her Grandma left her and then we went to the store and loaded up on snacks. I mean loaded up! Fritos, corn dip, jalapeño Cheetos, peanuts, protein packs, cheese and crackers (two kinds), hummus, cheese dip, peanut butter pretzels, pop, and popcorn.

We got settled at our hotel, the Hyatt Regency on the riverwalk, then went out and sat on a bench by the river and wrote. I interview Sam and try to write as fast as I can. Then we went up to the room and put on dresses and went out to eat at PF Chang’s. Sam ordered honey chicken and I got the Mongolian beef. Of course we had the crab wontons for appetizers.

We went back to the hotel and realized we should have eaten at the food truck fair that happened right down by the hotel.

Then it was hot tub time!

We went back and forth from the hot tub to the pool, chatting the whole time. We had the place to ourselves.

More writing and then bed early for these sleepy girls.

We woke up at exactly the same time and got dressed and went down for breakfast at the hotel. We took a quick walk by the river as it was gonna rain and did lots more writing. Sam read while I wrote and we did more interviewing. We pretty much completed the interviews but I know there is lots more we could include.

We spent the afternoon snacking, napping, and writing while it stormed outside. When it cleared off, we did what any two women would do: we went shopping! We got. Sam some new shoes then went to TJ Max and Ross and got some earrings and shirts. Then we put on our snazzy new shirts and went to Old Town, looked through a boutique and then ate at Old Chicago. We split some deep fried bacon cheddar cheese bites (oh my, they are addicting!) and a meatball hoagie which neither of us could finish then went back to the hotel. We watched a movie and wrote some more then fell asleep.

I got up early and left Sam sleeping and wrote her a note and took off for Newton to watch the boys for Leah all day Sunday. It was a fun, muddy, good time with the boys.

The book is almost done, people! We will change all the names and places then I plan to sit down with each of the girls that are in the book and get releases and then its off to try to get published!

Our little Emmet is 3 years old! We went to Newton for the party themed Elton John’s Rocket man. Leah is so creative. There were planets and globes and astronaut items. And then most of his gifts were either farm or music related! Our little smart man.

Scott and I stayed overnight as the original plan included our seeing son Joel, however, Joel’s flight from Dallas to Wichita was cancelled so he stayed in LA.

Favorite memories of the weekend include Emmet peeing on a tree and then pointing out how the pee was going to go down into the roots, up into the tree and out into the leaves. Our little smart man.

And then unprompted telling me, “Grandma, I love you SO MUCH.”

My Mom is the most amazing woman I have ever known. Ever.

I first met my Mom… Just kidding.

My Mom grew up in Kansas City, Kansas and went to Wyandotte high school, before it was the ghetto. Her Dad died when she was 20. She had a brother who was 7 years older and the sweetest, homebody mom who died when I was in elementary school.

Mom went to Baker University and majored in Spanish. She became a secretary for a little while then mostly stayed home with us except for running a preschool in our home for awhile. She married my Dad, a good looking fraternity boy, right out of school.

We lived just outside of Leavenworth in a split level home on a huge acre of land by the woods. We went on long camping trips all across the United States every summer.

My parent’s marraige was not a good one, full of strain and tension. My Dad was not a happy person and it escalated into horrible put downs and emotional abuse in front of us and toward us. They divorced when I was in 7th grade.

My Mom was so strong. She quit smoking after 20 years cold turkey. She endured the divorce with strength and grace. She got a degree in teaching and became a much loved middle school Spanish, English, and Reading teacher.

My Mom also got equivalent degrees in theater, art, costume design, set design, music. My Mom acted in, directed, and musically directed community theater for years and years. She led worship and choirs at church for years. My Mom encouraged Melissa Etheridge, then “Missy”, in her music career.

My Mom dated then married Lee, a retired army Lieutenant Colonel, just after I left for college. He was an amazing person, the love of her life.

My Mom and I have gone on a Spring Break trip every year for about 15 years now, to Mexico, Jamaica, Key West, San Antonio. We were exchange students in Mexico City for 6 weeks when I was 21.

My Mom is now 88 years young. She plays the keyboards at TRU, and goes to the Senior Center every week to “play for the old people.” We moved her here to Manhattan 3 years ago. She lives on her own and Ubers all over town. She is still beautiful and has the most lovely smile.

Everyone loves my Mom. Everyone. Everywhere. They always have. And they always will. I love you, Mama. Happy Mother’s Day 2019.

My amazing son.

When Leah was 6 months old, I asked Scott if he thought God made her easy because we were supposed to have another baby. Scott said yes. We did the math to figure out when we’d need to try in order to have a baby at the beginning of the summer. Apparently that was the night.

The doctor wanted to induce labor on June 2, our anniversary and my birthday. We waited until June 3. It only took 4 hours labor. We didn’t know he was a boy until he came out. I’m not gonna lie, I kept taking off his diaper to make sure.

Joel was an easy baby. He rode around in a walker with a smile on his face and watched all the action going on in the house with his sisters. When he was little, the girls dressed him up and played with him like he was a doll. I think they made him marry a guinea pig once.

He loved puzzles. He was so smart right from the start.

When Joel was 18 months and then up to age 2, he didn’t say any words. We got his hearing checked and he was almost completely deaf. Turns out he was super allergic to soy, eggs, milk, and all legumes. Which meant he could only eat meat, fruit, and vegetables. As soon as we changed his diet, he started hearing and talking.

One of my all time favorite memories was the night I let Joel continue coloring quietly in his room before he went to sleep. When I went to check on him, there were hyrogleific alphabet letters covering the entire wall. With a permanent marker. Turns out, he had also striped every single inch of his little body including his penis. Hilarious. It took weeks to wear off.

Once in preschool, Joel scratched his sister’s name in the paint on the side of the van. And made about 500 icons on the screen in his classroom. And peed down the heat vent upstairs.

Joel didn’t talk at school his entire kindergarten year. But he invited his kindergarten teacher to his birthday party and sat on her lap. He could already read at the 3rd grade level. By the end of 1st grade, he was reading at the 8th grade level and could spell anything. Once in his multi-age classroom when he was in 2nd grade, I went in and he was teaching a math lesson for the class at the board. We had his IQ tested and it was in the 99th percentile across the board.

Joel won the school spelling bee every year from 2nd grade on. And won the math Olympiad at k state every year.

Joel was the pickiest eater ever. He outgrew his food allergies but only ate about 5 things. He had some doozy tantrums about being hungry at night.

Joel wore orange every day in 5th and 6th grades. I had to special order orange high top chucks for him. And he liked to river dance.

In middle school, Joel wore shorts to school every day the entire year. And he didn’t wash his PE clothes or organize his notebook for an entire year. He was voted student council president. When he left with me after school, the custodian always said to him, “Goodnight Mr. President.”

I went to every single soccer game Joel ever played in except one. He was the smallest kid on the team and played left defense. The only game I missed, they moved him to forward and he scored 4 goals. We had so much fun staying in hotels for tournaments. Joel always slept either in the closet or in the window sill in the hotel rooms.

Joel had the best friends. Katie in early elementary, then Zeb, Andy, and Ryan. He loved to play pretend having grown up with sisters so to make it not weird, they just started making videos. Same thing as pretend only cooler.

In high school, I think Joel was late every day. I once found a list with a lottery system on it to decide who got to come home for lunch with him and eat pizza rolls. Joel played Mario brothers with his friends even in high school. His friends said they were making nerdy cool again. He played intramural sports in a bunny costume. And dressed up like the 80’s and went down to the Douglass Center to play in an adult dodge ball league. In college, he played on the USC Quidditch team.

Joel was one score away from acing the ACT.

Joel was one of 14 kids from around the world accepted into USC into the Interactive Entertainment program his freshman year. It was so incredibly hard to put him on that plane with all his stuff and send him away. The morning he left, his friends stayed up until 3 and then walked us out to the car. It was the most poignant moment. I almost threw up crying on the way home.

Joel lost his keys, locked them in his car, lost his cell phone and his wallet numerous, numerous times.

Joel was homeless for 4 months after he graduated from college so he could finish a video game and release it. He lived in his car and took showers at the gym.

Then he landed a job with a cool company making VR video games. Then worked for 2 years making a game at Disney. Now he works for an independent company making a huge video game that will be launched on Apple this fall.

I love visiting Joel in LA. He loves to show me around. When he lived in an apartment in college and I came to visit, he prepared me a mattress in a place of honor, the closet.

Joel has dated some lovely young ladies in high school and college but is now dating one we think is a keeper, Molly. She is a beautiful and special person who is an actress.

When Joel was home over Christmas break, our worship band needed a bass player. Joel filled in easily without even ever having heard the music. We even played a Midwest Meets Manhattan song and he got to play along. It meant a lot.

I miss Joel living all the way across the US. But I am so very proud of him I could split.

This, this moment, is the exact reason I semi retired. A whole day with virtually nothing planned.

This allows me to say yes to hosting parties, sharing the blessing of our beautiful house. We had a graduation party for Homestead here yesterday. Then I took a two hour nap.

This allows me to sleep late. I’ve been sleeping great lately. No alarm half the days. I slept til I woke up this morning at 8 then looked up and the sun was streaming across my sleeping pup. Then I got up slow. Love it.

This allows me to sit and write, spend time with God, just sit and be in the moment.

This lets me just sit and listen to the birds singing loudly, the dogs sitting quietly, praise music softly in the background, the air light, the sun shining. I have three things on the calendar for later, an appointment to get Rex groomed with sweet Jamie, one of my favorite classes at the gym, turbo kick, and face timing Sam to write on the novel. A perfect day!

Homestead, Erica, Ashley, Angie volunteer, Deb, Alicia the graduate, Terronica, Kimberly, Sam, and Jenn and Dacia, house managers.