Author: dianegclark

I write in a prayer journal every day. I pour out my true emotions and give Him my struggles. It is super important to do that. And then I blog. I try to encourage others through my blogs. Most of social media is encouraging lately. But that gives people a false idea that everyone else is doing well and they are alone in their struggles. So every now and then I like to get very real in my blogs.

I had a down day today. To be honest, I have not been sleeping well lately. I’ m not sure if it is the virus, losing Rex, or all on my mind with starting the practice and promoting the book.

Not much has changed for me day to day due to the virus. Except not being able to hug people or hold my grand babies or see my mama in person other than on her patio six feet away. I’m actually being just as. if not more, social than before, having coffee dates over video chat. (Let me know if you want to meet up).

I’ve been pouring myself into my work. There is lots to do to promote a new business and a book. Lots of details to pull together. But I love that. Maybe too much. I realized that I use overachievement or work as a crutch.

I am trying very hard to practice what I preach about self care. Exercise, regular sleep and routines, eating right, getting dressed every day, cleaning, socializing, meditating. I don’t always accomplish all those things.

I’ve noticed I’m more anxious lately. More down. Less motivated. Irritable. My new take away? That’s ok! It more important to be in touch with what i am feeling and accept it as ok. It’s ok to have down days. It’s ok to not check off everything on that to do list or everything on that self care list. We must sit in our feelings once in awhile. It’s ok to take that nap or go back to bed or just stop trying for awhile.

I read a post today about therapists going through this big pandemic thing alongside their clients. It is so very true. We are all going through this. It wouldn’t be right to pretend we aren’t feeling this too. Somehow we’ve given therapists the idea that they have to have it all together all the time, to be strong always. But we are human too.

We need to give ourselves grace. If we need a nap, take it. If we need a strong drink, have it. Take a bath, take that walk, call a friend, skip the exercise, order out, get a babysitter. We are all in this together. It is imperative that we allow ourselves to be real and to take care of ourselves so we have something else to give.

It’s been awhile since I updated you on myself and some key things about my life.

Response to the virus: Scott and I are on as close to 100 % quarantine as we can get. Scott’s meetings are online and when he goes to work, he is quarantined in his remote office. He is considering bringing his work computer home.

I am conducting my clinical supervision and graduate intern meetings online as well as Homestead meetings, although I did meet outdoors at a 6 foot distance to do Homestead group last week. I am praying about this week’s meeting as it is impossible to do a group as such, online. I may meet individually by telehealth briefly with each girl. We do go to the grocery store as needed (trying hard to limit it to weekly) as sterile as possible. We do go out and walk, also, but we have decided not to walk around City Park when it is nice anymore as there are too many people.

Leah is on 100% quarantine with the boys as she is pregnant. Hannah and Joel’s communities are on quarantine. Mom is on quarantine although I have to help her understand that, as she had a friend in her home yesterday. I did visit her outside on the porch at 6 feet yesterday. Her friend is grocery shopping for her. We facetime every day.

Me otherwise: My lifestyle has not changed significantly since I’ve been mostly at home anyway. I am enjoying having Scott home more. I have changed my social coffee and lunch dates to facetime and those have been refreshingly fun.

As you know, our little sweet Rexie died on Friday. I do miss him and cry a little each day, but overall, I was way more prepared than I thought I’d be.

Leah has been bringing me great joy by sending adorable videos of the boys. Today she sent Dave playing soccer with the boys indoors and Emmet doing online circle time. I am actually feeling more connected to the kids as each are spending time FaceTiming us more frequently.

I’m practicing self care as I preach to everyone else but sleep is not going great and exercise is hard to find motivation to do along with laying off the snacks. We all may gain all kids of weight before this thing is over!

The Practice: I am gearing up to open the practice anyway by telehealth. This involves a shift in technology and paperwork practices. I have set up the office upstairs and am getting some final things done to begin the marketing push and open. I am so thankful I didn’t sign the lease but the landlord did get in touch and I believe will start the renovations so we can open the actual physical practice as soon as this thing passes. I am feeling hopeful about all of this and am hoping that we meet the need that is out there and growing daily. Dave is shifting more to Pastoral Care and Shari will offer health coaching as we feel people may see Life coaching as nonessential, however, I am not sure that is true.

I am promoting the practice through social media and other forms and started a professional blog you can also follow at ethostherapyandlifecoachingblog.wordpress.com.

Keep an eye on EthosTherapyandLifeCoaching.com and our facebook and instagram pages. The more traffic we get on each of these platforms, including the blog, the more that google will bump us up on the search lists.

The Book: Obviously I am moving the launch party to online but it will still take place. Meanwhile, I am delivering and mailing out the autographed copies. I figured out how to print labels and mail it from home. The book has been selling steadily online. I am doing one thing daily to promote it and have a long list yet to do. The book is getting excellent reviews so that is encouraging. We will do a media release and social media push before the launch party, April 4 and 7pm, probably on facebook live.

I am blogging more frequently as the blog is now connected to my social media platforms.

I am running into frustrations in writing the sequel with the gal in the correctional facility so I am tossing around other ideas for book number two.

The Music: The contract is signed and we are a go. The songs are completed, mixed and mastered and they sound amazing! Scott, Dave and Chad are meeting at least weekly to make strategic plans for releasing them. I am not completely up to speed but the songs will be released several at a time along with lyric videos. I am so so so excited for you to hear them, both for the amazing sound, music and harmonies, but also for the message of each one. The Place, She’s On Her Own, Restored, and That’s Why I Like the Rain are already out on all online music platforms but they have also now been remastered to match the other sounds better and will be re-released. Other new songs to look forward to are (in order of my favorites):

The Fall, written about Sophie and others who are addicted, hitting their rock bottom.

Guardian Strangers, although not specifically intended that way, it makes me think of law enforcement officers out there protecting us, angels unaware.

Old Dirt Road, although the streets of heaven are paved in gold, I think God must live on an old dirt road.

You and I, this is a fun song that will probably get more radio time than the others and possibly cross over to the pop charts. It is about getting away from our technology to connect with our lover. (I am super proud of this song because i killed the harmonies on this song)

Defining Moment, This is about following your dreams and stepping out into your purpose.

Life Goes On, moving on, forgiving and letting go of the past.

Life Happens, finding joy in the present.

Please watch for the new songs to come out on Midwest Meets Manhattan facebook page.

Rex died last night, 15 minutes after his 17th birthday ended at midnight. He was struggling starting in the afternoon so as I fed him his birthday cheeseburger, I felt that it could be his last meal. He sure enjoyed it!

We got Rex so long ago, from a pet store in Westloop. Don’t judge, this was way before we were even aware of puppy mills. We frequently went there to get supplies for the guinea pigs. It was some months after losing the Sheltie that the kids grew up with, Allie dog. Rex was this tiny little fluff ball, about six pounds. Leah and Joel were with me. We left the store and called Scott who was away at a soccer tournament and then called our brother in law, Kevin, who was a vet, who assured us that Shih Tzu’s make great pets. We went back and brought him home.

Hannah was playing in a soccer tournament in Wichita. We called her and allowed her to name him since she hadn’t been there when we chose him. She said, “I wanted a big dog so I’m going to name him a big dog name, Rex.” We took Rex in a box with us to the tournament to meet Hannah on the sidelines. Our friends Pam and Sarah, also playing in the tournment brought their brand new puppy that day, a Great Dane. He lived for 7 years.

My earliest memories of Rex were a tiny fur ball pushing around a giant soccer ball in circles with his little nose both out at Anneberg and at Joel’s birthday party. We tried to have him sleep with Leah but he cried in the night so we put him in a carrier and he slept on my bed with my fingers in the cage to comfort him. He used to make little noises with his mouth like he was nursing. He did that for years. He slept in my bed for the entire rest of his life. The kids and Scott loved him, but he quickly became my dog. Shih Tzu’s tend to be one person dogs. Rex would cuddle up in my arms for awhile but he preferred to sleep at my feet or pressed against my legs. He tried to sleep on my head when it was storming outside. Rex always had to be on the bed with me not matter what, if I was sick, napping, sleeping, etc. He followed me around, even into the bathroom, and sat next to me on the couch, nearby while I was bathing, watching me use the bathroom.

When Rex was young, he was a runner. We tried and tried to train him not to do that but the kids would worry and chase him and he learned it was a game. He spent hours running around the neighborhood and the woods across the street eventually coming home covered in cockle burs that had to be taken out one by one. I once watched Rex chase after a rabbit right in front of the tires of a car that screeched to a stop to avoid hitting him. We all panicked while he was out running. We’d pray and watch for him but there wasn’t a whole lot more we could do.

When Rex was about 5, we got another Shih Tzu, Professor, who was Leah’s dog and lived with us for two years and then during the school year for 4 more years. Rex didn’t love Professor, just tolerated him. Professor desired more affection than Rex. Professor died about 4 years ago at the age of 7.

Rex was there for me through all life’s difficulties, illness, surgeries, storms, arguments, cancer. He was always on the bed, couch or by my side.

We were blessed to have such great vet care. For most of his life, Rex saw my brother in law, Kevin. Kevin did his neuter, an eye surgery, and all his shots. It made for a fun day to go to Perry for our check ups.

Several years later, we got Diego. Rex was not too happy about that, either. Diego was smaller than Rex when we got him and was supposed to turn out to be about Rex’s size, 16 pounds, but grew to a full 42 pounds. He used to play roughly with Rex and run over him when he was in the way but as Rex got older, Diego became more careful with him and left him alone. They often ate or drank together and very occasionally cuddled up.

Rex became ill about 4 years ago. He went through strokes and seizures that were later diagnosed as heart attacks and congestive heart failure. We’ve had his euthanasia scheduled several times. I created a facebook page for him to gather memories in anticipation of his death. But he kept pulling through. Dr. Deb at Konza was so amazing and perscribed meds that gave us another 4 years with him.

Yesterday Rex had trouble breathing again. I knew it was his heart. I quickly did his birthday party cheeseburger video and called the vet. She suggested I increase one of his meds and I did. He rested and struggled next to me on the couch. At midnight, I took him out to pee and left him out just for a minute. When I returned, he was passed out. I brought him inside and held him as he went through the process of dying. Scott was standing there helplessly patting me. Hannah was on the phone reassuring me that the process was normal. It was so hard but I was so thankful that I was there holding him and that I didn’t have to make the difficult decision.

Please go to his facebook page, Rex Clark, for more photos and to share your favorite memories of Rex. We will all miss him terribly, but me, most of all.

Below are a set of tips for coping with social distancing and these difficult times gathered from a variety of sources. i hope you find them helpful. Good reminders for all of us.

1. Keep a regular sleep schedule. It’s ok to sleep a little extra but try to go to sleep and get up as close to the same time each day. In the morning, get as much light into your eyes as possible.

2. Bathe and get dressed for the day every day.

3. Get time in nature every day. Open air should be ok if not done in a crowd.

4. Journal, pray, check in with yourself and your feelings every day. Find the balance between denial and submerging yourself. Reach out to others and share how you are doing.

5. Meditate. Stay as present as you can. “What if” thinking is dangerous. We can speculate and prepare but not to the point anxiety overtakes us.

6. Connect. Reach out to someone who needs you. And reach out to someone who makes you happy. FaceTime is amazing to help us during this time. If you don’t have an iPhone, messenger video does a great job. For groups, try google handouts.

7. Get some exercise every day. Take a walk outside, do yoga, do an at home body weight work out or Tabata. Pinterest has tons of work out ideas.

8. Keep your area clean and tidy. Not just for hygiene purposes but for mental health.

9. Try to eat regularly, avoid late night snacks and unhealthy foods that we all tend to crave when stressed.

10. Take breaks from your loved ones. Find that balance of togetherness and alone time even within your family.

11. Rest. It’s ok to slow down. Our bodies weren’t created for the life styles we’ve been living. Maybe when this is all over, we will change our fast paced lives permanently.

12. Set realistic goals for productivity. Try to complete one task before starting another. Distractions are harder to manage at home. Write a short list to complete for the day but if you don’t get it all done, relax and add it to tomorrow’s list.

13. Try not to numb out. It’s ok to do something relaxing that you enjoy like playing a game online, scroll facebook, or watch TV. Keep track and be sure you aren’t numbing out.

14. Limit exposure to news. Try assigning one person to keep an eye open for all the latest news or decide how much you will check the news and stick to that.

15. Give yourself grace if you aren’t able to do all these things. They are helpful tips only.

As i woke this morning and sat down to have coffee with Jesus, i felt calm. Yesterday as this thing, this virus, the realities of it sinking in, hit home, i numbed out on Facebook. I isolated and then ripped into friends for expressing their frustrations on Facebook. I went to bed frustrated and upset.

I woke today with a renewed perspective.

Down deep i feel calm. I joke about the fact that i have anxiety and that has prepared me for this, but the truth is, so much more has prepared me for this. The last time i felt completely helpless was when i was diagnosed with cancer. I felt a deep peace through it all that i couldn’t really explain. The last year and a half since then as i experienced many more losses that were so very hard, i didn’t feel as hopeful or strong or peaceful, but now, on the other side of it, i know without a doubt that God has been with me. He is good and though i go through difficult things, He has never left my side. He’s pulled me back from the cliff of my own weaknesses again and again. He is my hope and my peace.

These are not just words to me, reassurances, crutches. It has been and continues to be my reality. A deep, unexplainable, lasting stability and peace in the storm. I think of the Bible story of the disciples in the tiny boat with the storm raging around them. Jesus doesn’t always calm the storm. But He reminds us He is here. The storm is gonna calm eventually and the sun is gonna come up after. We don’t know when and we don’t know how hard the storm is gonna be, but He is with us. If i keep my eyes on Him and not the waves, I’ll be ok.

You can too. If you need this peace and aren’t feeling it, reach out to me and I’ll do my best to share with you how to find it, how to find Him.

Seems like a great time to share this post. My husband has the best talent in finding movies and series to watch.

We watch a fair amount of TV and Netflix, some movies. There is no rhyme or reason as to what we choose to watch or what we like or don’t like. We are open to suggestions. Here is what we have watched lately., in no particular order.

Favorite movies lately: Peanut Butter Falcon. If you have not rented this movie yet, do it now.

Last night we watched Troop Zero. Another feel great movie like Peanut Butter Falcon.

Series: Broad church. Read the book but like the series except they have added a lot. It is a crime in a small town. Scott lost interest as it seemed to move slowly in parts.

Series: Jane the Virgin. I enjoyed the heck out of this satirical funny show. Light, silly, but still warm and believable enough. Scott didn’t like it much but got caught up in it some.

Tv shows: Chicago Med, Fire and PD I love my Chicago shows, don’t care that they are predictable and unrealistic.

Series: Longmire. I loved this. Now reading the series. Hubby said tongue in cheek: Who would want to live there, there is a murder every week, but he liked it.

Series: New Amsterdam Started watching and am in season 2 somewhere. Like don’t love it.

Series: Orange is the New Black. Read the book then watched seasons 1-3. Season two was too porn and then too violent. Season 3 lost me.

Series: Stranger Things. Loved Season one but didn’t get too far into season 2.

TV: The Resident. Like it. Watching it to date so I can catch Joel’s girlfriend who guests on an episode.

Series: Glow. Joel recommended and I watched season one then never picked it back up.

Series: Queer Eye. All time favorite. Have watched every episode of every season. Its light and warm and you even learn. Scott likes this one too.

Series: Ozark. Watched season one, moved a little slow. Scott liked it too.

TV: The Good Place. Enjoyed Season one but didn’t go far into season 2. Scott watched all of it.

Series: Living with Yourself. Watched some of season one then didn’t pick it back up. I think Scott watched it.

Series: Schittz Creek. I enjoyed a lot even though it is ridiculously ridiculous. Liked the relationships. Scott watched some of it and seemed to like it ok.

Series: Unbelievable. Fantastic. Fantastic. Scott liked it too.

Series: Russian Doll. Watched and enjoyed season one.

Series: Bloodline. Watched most of season one but it moved so very slowly it lost me.

Series: Outlander. I liked it but it moves very slowly. Read the book, very similar, long.

Series: Modern Love. We liked this.

Series: Dead To Me. It was pretty good. Ok..

Scott and I are on a much needed second honeymoon. We are here in Hawaii to get away alone, talk through some difficult things, get on track, rekindle, reconnect. We are in a season of questioning, regrouping, deciding what’s important, what we each want and need, and how to move forward stronger. It’s terrifying and necessary.

In the morning, went for a hike up the road and checked out some nearby beaches. Then we got ready and headed out for our beach adventure which included a rough off road experience over the lava fields.

Drove across the island to our air bnb stay. It is super impressive, paradise. It is an octagon shaped cedar building that used to be an art studio. The hosts have thought of everything from decorations, tons of lamps, a foot washing station, lotions, essential oils, incense and candles. There are extra swim towels and snorkeling gear, yoga mats, even a massage table. It is cozy, open air, screened in and the bathroom is outside but private. There is a lanai surrounding the outside with comfy chairs and candles and party lights. There are little geckos out there to keep the mosquitos away. The hostess said we may encounter wild pigs but we haven’t.

We got up and had breakfast at the airbnb then packed up for the beach. When we were getting out of the car for our hike to the beach, we met up with Kat, a Chinese American student from Berkeley who was traveling alone taking advantage of suspended classes. She is an adventurous soul but also happy to have found us to be with for safety. She walked along on her slippery shoes jibber jabbering about her DJ experiences and plans to be a lawyer. She didn’t have her swimsuit so borrowed the bra I brought and went in the water in that and her undies. We were happy to watch the sea turtles from afar but she climbed the precarious rocks in her slippery shoes to touch the turtles. She said they didn’t even wake up. Then she found a vine to swing on.

The hike through the rain forest was exhausting and sweaty but worth it. There were rocks and mud holes to navigate so it was hard to look around at the plush green and the tall trees. The birds and frogs were loud.

We are about a ten minute drive into the town of Hilo. It is not quaint or beautiful but it is cool. It is near the ocean and amidst the lush greenery of the rain forest and water falls and inlets. There were homeless people on the sidewalks. The houses are small and run down and the yards are cluttered.

After hiking and swimming, we drove in the rain to the Akaka falls. We stopped at Shark’s coffee shop for coffee and ice cream (owned by the airbnb hosts who grow coffee, vanilla and chocolate right here on their farm.) We walked on the cement walkway and stairs amidst the plush greenery, loud birds and frogs, and tall trees. There were gulches and drops on both sides in places. There were only two other people there. The falls were amazing, like nothing I’ve seen before.

It is very weird to be here with all the virus stuff going on. We feel removed from it and very blessed to be able to fly here. We are using wipes and washing our hands and not touching our faces but the grocery stores seem perfectly stocked. We are keeping up with the news but it seems far away.

We returned to our paradise and took naps and glorious showers then went back into town to the Hilo Bay Cafe. This was a nicer restaurant but we couldn’t see the bay outside. We ate yummy ahi and a chocolate lava cake and coffee ice cream for dessert.

The next morning we got up earlier than usual. Keep in mind we are five hours ahead of Kansas. We got ready and headed to the other side of the island, this time through the mountains. We grabbed some subway then went whale watching. And watching. We watched the impressive swells of the ocean for three hours. No whales appeared. The crew saw them earlier today and for the last three days. We were in the 10 percent that the whales don’t appear for. Oh well. (We met a couple on the plane home who went for a speed boat ride and saw dozens of whales).

We then grabbed some coffee, myself a vanilla frappe and Scott a chai tea, and drove through a beautiful neighborhood and golf resort to a black sand beach. There we met an orthodontist from Arizona and his family and talked to him quite a while.

After, we took the top off the Jeep and drove back to our side of the island and had a burger at the Hilo Burger Joint.

The last morning we spent relaxing at the airbnb. During my quiet time out in the lanaii, Scott brought me a sweet note asking me to remarry him. I tearfully and happily said yes.

I went to the house and met up with our host Sharkey who was so happy to show me the last steps in the vanilla process and the chocolate process. He gave me juice from the cacao pods to drink (yum) and a spoon to dip into the chocolate which i did repeatedly. I bought coffee and Sharkey threw in chocolate and vanilla and two coffee mugs.

Hostess Ana then took me on a mini tour of the orchard showing me the coffee trees, cacao trees and vanilla vines. Did you know that vanilla is hand pollinated all over the world except in one place in Mexico where the bees do it? Ana showed me the process for each, vanilla, chocolate and coffee from plant to drying to food. The coffee gets roasted, the cacao made into nibs then put into stirrers for days, and the vanilla put into jars for weeks then soaked in bourbon.

This trip has been amazing, restoring and healing for each of us and for our marriage even during a world health crisis. Even though we’ve kept up with the news, we probably have no idea what we will face in the mainland at home. We will need to social distance for several weeks after being in such large crowds in small areas. But we go back rested and stronger, together.

We just got back from Hawaii. We have kept up on the news and on facebook. Scott got updates and info from his school district. We know schools are closed and those with chronic health conditions and the elderly need to stay home. We figure based on the fact that we just spent the last 24 hours in small confined areas with hundreds of people from all over, that we will need to stay away from Mom and Leah and the boys and social distance for a couple of weeks to be responsible and keep others healthy.

But goodness. The media and facebook made it seem like there were going to be zero groceries and toilet paper. I didn’t waste time getting to the store. The shelves were a little less stocked than normal and there were more people than normal, but there is plenty of food and toilet paper.

I guess I contributed by buying enough groceries to last a month.

We’ve been through crises like this before. War, 9-11, Y2K, SARS, Tsumani’s, natural disasters. People panic, spread hysteria and rumors.

We’re going to be ok.

What happens is, after the initial wave of panic and everyone looking out for themselves, the good will come out. I’ve already seen people saying hey, if your kids not being in school creates a hardship for you, let us help. We will all take care of each other.

God says He will turn all things for good for those who love Him. I’ve seen this time and time again.

Let’s pull ourselves together, people, then help each other out and ride this one out too.

I would like to add after educating myself that though we are going to be ok, it is imperative that we all do our part in keeping everyone else safe, stay away from crowds, don’t go within 6 feet of people, wash hands, etc. Scott and I are social distancing severely for 5 days because of our trip and responsibly thereafter. We all need to lower the curve of severity of this disease.