Here we are down the road with covid 19 and reality is hitting. I’ve been listening to a lot of Brene Brown lately. She has this way of naming what we are going through. As a therapist, I am well aware that we need to name it in order to heal. And we have to allow ourselves to feel it to heal it. She does a podcast on what she calls FFTs. Fucking first times. How hard that is for everyone. That is part of what we are going through with covid. No one knows how to do this. No one knows how to talk about it. Then she does several podcasts on grief. How much loss there is in this. She said we need to name the loss of the old normal, all that we have lost and then try to create a new normal.
I have not done this for myself personally. I’ve tried but honestly, it’s starting to get me down. Maybe it’s another stage of grief. Maybe it’s that we are now down the road and we realize that this isn’t going away anytime soon. She used some analogies that resonated with me to explain that we were in crisis mode. We had a certain amount of energy from adrenaline to get through the crisis part. Now that we are down the road, our energy has dropped. This is hitting us. We may not return to normal soon. Maybe never.
My old normal. I’m naming it. Feeling it.
Here are my first attempts. What are yours?
Seeing the boys every other week or whenever I wanted to without restrictions. I miss them terribly. Their laughter, playfulness, hugs, cuddles, their little voices and little bodies climbing all over me, the things they say. Just being Grandma. When I’m with them, all else fades away. I enter their tiny worlds of play and food and joy. I need and miss this.
What I need: I need to establish some reasonable ground rules that balance mental health needs and safety. All of our mental health issues are suffering. Scott has the latest and best knowledge about safety with covid. I need to decide what is safe for me, based on facts and not fear, balancing safety and my own mental health and other’s needs to feel safe.
For covid safety I need: to go to the gym at less crowded times wearing a mask, to meet with friends outside or six feet apart and masked. Pools, restaurants, small gyms, large groups, these are out. My new mask will come and I will wear it. I am currently wearing my N95 mask under my Vera Bradley mask. N95 masks DO help the wearer be safer, along with others.
Working out. I miss going to the gym, Working out with other people, in classes, with friends, in community. This is super important for my mental health. I miss the routine of it. The predictability, I went a certain time, saw the same people, smiled and greeted them, was validated and known by them, known by the instructors. Then the work out itself. I felt strong, capable, bad ass. I miss step class at which I was very skilled. I miss lifting weights. I miss kickboxing, punching, kicking. I miss feeling strong and capable. The workout itself, sweating, getting my heart rate way up, pushing myself. Workouts are mindful, all else slips away and you become focussed on only your body and what it is doing. Then there is mirroring that occurs, as you do similar motions with those near you. My brain, body, emotions, all miss working out. I miss the community of it also, the belonging. I started to transition to 9 rounds but I can’t go there anymore. It’s just too small, too many people breathing hard in too close of quarters.
What I need: I need to go to the gym three mornings a week and lift weights wearing my mask. I need to do cardio, step class Thursday evening position myself near the door. I need to walk twice per week. Do Yoga two to three times per week. Make a schedule and stick to it.
Friends. I miss my friends. I had a regular group of people I got together with. We met for lunches, workouts. We talked and laughed and shared. We supported each other, listened to each other, saw and heard and knew each other. We connected, around their struggles or mine or shared struggles. Then we stopped. We tried video chatting. It was helpful but we missed the hugs, the brain healing eye to eye contact, the routine, the community of being together in public, seeing others, talking about who we saw, oh, I know her, how do you know her?…. Even putting on nicer clothes and makeup to meet. Video chat helped me continue with some relationships, but some were lost, then more started. I think that i started to develop a new normal a couple of times, first on video chat, then having people over here, then back to video chat, people were off work then back at work. I can’t get my feet under me socially. I miss getting together with people in person, going out to eat or for coffee, and having groups of people here, going to others’ homes, having family here. I grieve for this normal. It’s even hard to name.
What I need: Have two days per week that are my social days and set up with someone each of those times. A routine to socialize that I can count on. All else will be icing on the cake.
Routine. I miss it a lot. I went to work, I took a nap, I had a snack and watched Ellen, I went to the gym, I came home, I fixed dinner, we ate it together , I watched maybe one show, then I went to bed and read. Friday nights we ate Chipotle and went to bed early. Saturday we cleaned and grocery shopped and went to rehearsal. Sunday we went to church then we napped. I went to see the boys every two weeks. I can’t get a new routine going that works for me. My clients are all over the place. I don’t work out at all. We try to establish a new routine, eat together, ping pong, watch tv.
What I need: A new schedule and routine. Decide when I will see clients and start making that happen instead of all over the place. Put socializing in. Put working out in. Schedule quiet time and reading time and writing time. Stick to it.
dianegclark 