I sought God this morning on the Konza. I found Him, but not there.
I packed up my new fanny pack (my MIL loved fanny packs and left me one) and headed out to the Konza. I love the Konza. I had big plans. Gonna do church on the Konza. Make a facebook/insta post about it.
The Konza was closed due to a washed out bridge. Blocked.
Ok, I got this, I’ll go to my favorite woods trail next to the river. I love the woods. So I set out, parked, found the secret trail, started down it. Not 50 steps in, I was covered with spider webs and spiders. Noooo!
I got this, too. Grabbed a big stick, waved it in front of me, forging on my own path. Didn’t work. I had to turn back.
So I ended up on the linear trail. Plain, mowed grass, not much to see, wide open, hand on my pepper spray due to all the random questionable characters going by on their bikes.
For sure I was in a philosophical mood, but I did set out to seek God this morning. I do that every morning. I’m on a healing journey. This morning’s trials were my personal message from the One Who knows me and loves me.
I often have big plans to do God’s work, to find Him. And hit blocks. Sometimes huge, unpassable blocks that leave me wondering, hurting, feeling alone. I used to think it was my sin that separated me from God. A friend reminded me that nothing can separate us from His Love. God has been showing me that in my shame, I hide from Him, like Adam and Eve in the garden.
This morning He reminded me that He just want to walk with me in the garden, hang out with me. That’s why He created me. To love Him and be with Him. I make my big plans to set out on my own ways to find Him and do great things for Him. Then in my efforts, I keep trying and life’s huge distractions get in my way, seek to discourage me and make me quit. Even as I write this on my lower patio under the trees, my dog took a big stinky shit that I had to get up and move. Then the mosquitos attacked me and I had to get bug spray.
This morning, I found God on the linear trail and He spoke to me. He is there in the mundane, the ordinary. All I have to do is come to Him wide open, vulnerable, broken, just as I am, without expectation. He just wants to hang out with me. Not to do anything. Not to be anything. Just love Him and soak up His healing love.
dianegclark 