Sometimes it becomes necessary to just get completely away from everyone and everything. I am doing that yesterday and today. A time to regroup, to heal, to pray, to figure out how to move forward.
The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. Not being able to talk about it, hard also, as everyone knows I am an open book, a public processor. Guess that is one thing I have learned through this. Trust must be earned, not given. Going through a difficulty in life shows me who loves me and values me as I am.
I am and have always been a person open to learning and making personal changes in who I am. I guess some lessons we learn the easy way, through the support of friends, and some lessons we learn the hard way.
It is so hard to find the balance, of trusting and being open versus who not to be vulnerable with and not trust. How to love without letting people hurt you. Then when they do, how to forgive. I think Jesus had it right when he said to be as shrewd as a snake and gentle as a dove. He also said, forgive them, they know not what they do. I’m working on it.
I am in a grieving process. Grief is never easy. I have a lot more grieving ahead in the next few years, with my Mom and Dad and precious puppy growing older by the day. I’ve had a lot of loss in my life. Babies, clients, family members, leaving schools, careers, friends and loved ones who leave. But this one, with no warning and no choice, has been particularly hard.
I never really took a semi retirement as I had planned. Guess I need to. Guess I’m going to. So I go back and look at the retirement goals I set when I first retired that I’ve lost track of. To prioritize rest and balance. To be there for people in a deeper, more meaningful way. To be fully present in each moment and follow Him in the next.
I’m following, Lord. Where ya going?
dianegclark 