I’ve been a Christ follower for 35 years. Just as I get thinking I understand His ways, He takes me deeper, reveals more about myself, Himself, and His plans for me. As I learn to follow and trust and stay out of His way as he reveals more and more in me, He heals me, awakens dreams in me, allows me to shine. His story.
Since last year being diagnosed and battling cancer, retiring, God has taken me on a wild journey. A journey of healing and hope, of change and growth. First as a therapist, then as a singer turned professional artist, and as a woman.
Being a trauma therapist is amazing and overwhelming. It can be terrifying. But it is also so inspiring. I am filled with awe and wonder as I experience God healing people’s hearts and souls through the words and compassion He pours into and through me. To be able to be fully present for people so they can connect at a deeper soul level with me and with God requires vulnerability. To go deeply into people’s pain and brokenness and fears has caused me to go deeper into my own brokenness. I have had to allow myself to be fully vulnerable with God so He could reveal my fears and self doubts and insecurities left from the brokenness of my childhood. He wanted to heal those parts of me so that I could dream and shine, to be used as a therapist. But also so that I could allow Him to take me places I never knew possible.
I am part of a huge movement of God. Midwest Meets Manhattan is just a small part of what God is revealing in and to each one of us, Dave, Chad, Scott and myself. He has plans so far and above anything we could ever imagine. Dreams that will go far beyond our music. Using all of our gifts and talents, I believe the sky is the limit. It is so hard for me to believe that I sang on worldwide radio two days ago. But fame, wealth, this is only a tiny part of God’s plan. God is going to use all of this to spread hope and healing to the world. Our platform is sex trafficking. He has also called me to write a book. My involvement with Homestead is all a part of His plan. To hear the stories that scream to be told. The songs Chad is writing also scream to be heard, songs of healing and hope.
The first part of the journey involved slowing down. I wrote about this in an earlier post. Learning to be fully present in each moment and let God lead the next was step one. To learn to let go of my own agendas for each day. To be fully present in order to go deeper with others. The cancer was a part of this for me. Becoming a therapist. Learning to step out in faith as my fears and doubts about my own skills came to the surface. God showed me even more that He is in control, that He longs to write His story in me and through me to others. It is not my skills that heals people, but my ability to be vulnerable, my ability to love deeply and compassionately. By allowing God to love me this way is the only way I can love others in ways that allows true healing this deep.
From the very beginning of the journey of singing, God has revealed my insecurities, my fears, my anxieties and taught me to trust in Him. Standing on a stage praising Him is unbelieveably terrifying and gratifying. It is such an honor and a blessing. Yet so humbling. I have tried forcing things and had to lay myself down again and again. He comes through every single time. I have seen Him awaken dreams in myself and in Scott that we never ever thought possible. It took humbling myself and getting out of His way. It took facing my fears and self doubts.
I began the book, Whispers of Rest, shared with my by a friend, several months ago. God showed me how I am His beloved. He took me to places that I never let Him go before, places I didn’t even know I still carried fears. He showed me that He loves me so much, just as I am. That He will use my brokenness to heal others. That only by laying down these fears will He take me forward. His story, His voice is in me longs to be told. He is pulling all the parts of me together, singing, writing, loving, listening, healing, dreaming, and He is using me. He has only begun to reveal all He has planned for me, for us.
Whispers of Rest takes all the brain research that I have learned so much about, that resonates with everything that I believe, meditation, scripture and prayer and brings it all together. I added meditation to my self healing about two years ago. I use all of these things with clients, with the Homestead girls and for myself. The author, Bonnie Gray, pulled it all together. I send the verses to a friend in prison and she has found healing. I have purchased over 10 copies and have given them to others as led. My clients are finding healing through it.
Part One is Being the Beloved. It made me face the deep question, “Am I enough?” That I have wrestled with all my life. Having heard whispers from the enemy, from my past, deep inside myself that I was not enough, all my life, I needed these to be revealed in me to find healing. It hurts to bring these fears to the surface but is so necessary. God showed me through this book, stories of those in the Bible that also felt they weren’t enough yet He used, that I am enough. That people connect with my weaknesses. To love is to be vulnerable. To Him and to others. When I am still and rest in Him, He heals me, helps me face my fears and heals me. He reassures me that in Him, I am more than enough. I am His Beloved. I find my identity and strength in Him alone and not in what the world thinks of me. I am enough just as I am. I do not have to strive to do or say or be anything but what I am. This is what part 2 showed me. I can simply be and then choose joy and peace. He will hold my emotions when I take them and leave them with Him. To simply let Him love and comfort me.
Part three is Dreaming in Him. God knows the dreams in my heart that I didn’t even know I had. He showed me that when He first called me on the stage to sing. I have had this silent dream for years and years. And now the dream to write. I have wanted to be a writer since I was a very little girl. Part 4 is healing the brokenness that had to happen for me to be able to let Him dream through me. He showed me that He understands my fears and this allows me to step into the unknown He has for me, the to face uncertainty, to let go of control. The next part is the Daring. He is my courage and strength. Part Six is Shining. God’s love is shining and new in me. He created me to sparkle in my own unique way to share with the world.
So pray for me as I go on this journey as a therapist, a novel writer, a professional background vocalist. Pray for me to allow God to continue to heal me and use me and awaken His dreams and plans in me. To shine His love, His healing, His hope, peace and joy into this broken world.
dianegclark 
Diane. Your blog is inspiring. I enjoy reading them.
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